Rocket Science

[Girl_Anachronism]

It feels like rocket science would be simpler than life at the moment. No song lyrics, no quotes, just melancholy for you all. 

It feels like life is so hard. It has been a week since the separation from my husband. It feels like it has been two weeks, if not longer. Every day goes at different speeds, fast when I am anxious, or actually accomplishing things and then out of nowhere a great big wave of depression will come. It will hit me and i will stand there, unable to move. everything feels like pain. I'll go from cooing, if a little manic and shaking uncontrollably to crying.

Why does it have to hurt so much, at the end of a relationship? I don't even want to be with him, I don't even want to go back to him. Yet it hurts and another part of me says I still love him. Just waking up this morning, thinking about what to do, reminds me of the things we use to do to fill our weekends. It reminds me that relationship, that time, is over. I won't be doing those things again, with that same feeling of creating something bigger than the two of us. 

I guess I grieve not for him, but for what we had, what it could have been. When does it stop hurting? How can I get there now? I don't like existing right now, the pain comes in these inconsolable waves that paralyse me. 

Seven years of my life. Gone. 

GA

"So tired of the straight line/ And everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back/ Don't make no difference/ Escaping one last time/ it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh/  This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees"

Angel, Sarah Mclachlan

[Struggler]

Hi GA

What do you have in joint names? You said you don't have anything.  So is he trying to get blood out of stone? Btw, you are entitled to his super, I believe.  You legal advisor should have told you that.

Struggler 

[geoff]

dear GA, let your solicitor handle all of this, because he is just trying to scare into signing everything he wants, so please don't worry this is harassment so your lawyer will fix this. L Geoff. x

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi guys, 

Just a relatively short post as this flu plus anxiety is screwing with my head.

I completed my tax return today, so hopefully somemoney from that soon. Also met the new psychologist, who seems sympathetic and nice. I have much homework to do before the next session. 

I also got a call from my legal person and she said what I am liable for and what I am not. She said if I want to do negotiations through them, I can. I decided to try send a message to him, vascially reiterating what she said, and that he could take it out of my half of the bond and anything extra I would work out a payment plan for. I refused to pay more than half of the household bills. 

I havent signed the bond form and will ask to see the whole document before I do anything. 

If he reacts badly I am going to go to my legal person and negotiate through them. It means I will have to get nasty and go for his super, but if he wants to play hard ball, hard ball is what he'll get. 

Time for a nap now.

GA

[Girl_Anachronism]

Well his reply was as about as accomodating as I expected. Guess hard ball it is. 

I hate to do it to him, as its not me to go after everything I can get and quite frankly I could do with less stress. A call tomorrow to the legal place it is.

GA

[Girl_Anachronism]

I don't know what to do anymore. 

I went to sleep though it took some time. Despite my medication. I dreamed I opened the door and Sydney had come home, amongst other less happy things. I heard the  buzz of my tablet indicating that there was anew message on Facebook. 

I knew who it had to be from. I am not going to go I to detail as to what he said, but my brother in law chimed in civilly that I am earning next to nothing and that to demand me to pay rent immediately, adding up to almost 1000 dollars was not right. 

His reply this morning was savage. He compared me to my father, as if I was ddeliberately not paying him because I wanted someone else to pay. He knows what my father did, to compare me to that monster......how could he say things like that? Why would he want to hurt me  so much? Just how? 

He implies that I am trying to get my family to pay for the debt, going so far as to ask them to help. I have been talking to him in the private conversation, because I don't want to involve them. The message I sent last night was in the family conversation because he wasn't responding in the other thread. Yet he accuses me of wanting to involve my family?

I managed over this past hour to write a civil message through the tears. I sat here for another hour, unable to send it. Unable to know whether I should. I can't even breathe right now. I don't know what to do. I just don't know.

Help..

GA

[JessF]

Hello GA, I think the answer here is quite simple: block him on Facebook. Social media is for connecting with friends and family, and he is neither presently. It's giving him instant access to you and allowing him to harass you which is not on.

If you like, you can inform him that all future communication is to be via email. If he has a request, it is to be sent through via email and you will respond to it in due course.  Set up a filter so that any messages from him go into a folder so you don't see them in your normal inbox.  Check it every couple of days, or certainly no more than once a day.  Before responding, ask yourself: is a question being asked that actually requires a response (for legal reasons)? If not, then it can be safely ignored. Limit your contact with him.

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jess, 

I did it. I blocked him. I said in my last message to send any other mmessages to my email. I have yet to work out how to set up a rule for his email address on my tablet (oh for a laptop). However I have created the  folder and the messages went in there. 

I also called my legal people and forwarded the email. They will get back to me this afternoon. 

So win or lose, the dice have been rolled. It just a matter of time to find out what comes up. 

I am just so tired of this fighting. Despite my pride, despite me knowing it is  not my debt, if I had the money right now I would pay it to him I  order to make him just leave me alone. But I don't. 

I just can't stop crying. The antianxiety meds have headed off the worse of the shakes, but not all of them. I just feel so hurt. It doesn't have to be like this. But he made it like this, he wanted me to hurt.  I get we no longer love one another, that he might be hurting too, but does he really have to lash out at me?

Just why?

GA

[JessF]

That's good about the Facebook, now (and I don't mean this to sound patronising, I sincrely mean it) congratulate yourself for taking that action. It's a positive step to remove one source of stress and upset from your world right now, and YOU have done it.

Now to the emotional fallout... it's horrible behaviour, it's the ones closest to us who know how to hurt us the most. There is no logic to it. You're right, that people lash out when they're hurt, but that's a (possible) explanation and not an excuse. The best you can do is what you have done already, which is take steps to remove yourself from that and not allow him easy access to you to vent whatever's running through his head.  

There's no answer to the question why, none that will satisfy you. It's ok to cry and it's ok to shake. This is a very difficult time for you, and it's worth remembering that, so you don't start blaming yourself for any of the emotions. 

[Neil_1]

Dear GA

Hey, how about if you were to tell him, “Because of how horrible you’ve been to me, I’m now advising my lawyer to go after your Super”.

Do you think that would make him back off?  He’s obviously p*ssed off with you, so the depth of that ain’t going to change too much if you told him this.  Or did you just want this to happen ‘out of the blue’ for him.

It's just a thought?

Neil

ps:  I know this is so serious, 100%, but your pic just makes me smile everytime I see that cute little kitty lapping up the sun, upside down.  Maybe Elsa can help as a bit of a distraction for you (and Mayflower as well).???   Try the string toy thing, where you tie a longish piece of string with a toy at one end, and you sit in another spot in the room or wherever and watch them play with the toy as you slowly pull it towards you?

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Neil,

You know I was playing with my kitties earlier but I was doing the lazy version of winding the string around them and watching them try and untangle themselves. I have also been crying and talking to them about things they will never understand. I am not the best mother sometimes.

It did occur to me to tell him that, but it coukd be misconstrued as a threat. Even if he has been threatening me, if this does end up in court I would like myself to come out on the moral high ground, if nothing else. He can keep threatening, he is only doing harm  to his own case.

GA