Religion

[teaBee]

I was raised in a very strict religious family. When I was younger I believed whole heartedly in it but now I’m just confused. They teach you that the only place you can find true happiness is in religion. But all I got was hurt and judgment. I love the belief and what they teach but it seems like the people never actually follow through with what is taught. Don’t judge people, always be kind and respectful, people have free will to live how they choose, love everyone. But instead I was taught to be ashamed of my body. That as a woman I was less than and needed to constantly change things for men. I was judged for all my interests. I was judged for associating with people outside the religion. At one point I was shunned by many of the people I knew. They spread lies and rumours about me. I was told to be ashamed of my for disappointing god. It hurt me so much that I left. And now I feel complete. I feel happy and like there is nothing missing in my life. But if my family knew that I live with my boyfriend they’d cut me off and never speak to me again. But I’m just in love and it’s wrong because we aren’t married. Now that I have drifted away though many of my friends and family are pressuring me to came back. To go to church. To be more involved. To put away the bad parts of my personality and change to be ‘better’. It doesn’t feel better to me it feels like I’m lying to myself. I love parties and drinking. I love tattoos. I love my boyfriend and our sexy time even though we aren’t married. I love my job and my home and this life I’ve made. But they want me to throw it away because it’s ‘wrong’. I’ve been in so much pain my whole life it’s honestly lucky I’m alive. So now I’m happy I feel free for the first time but everyone want to take it away from me. I wish they would all just leave me alone but they all seem to forget the part of the bible that teaches to mind your own business. 

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you've faced growing up in a strict religious family. It's understandable that you feel confused and conflicted about your beliefs and the teachings you were raised with. It sounds like you've been through a lot of hurt and judgment, and it's important to acknowledge the pain and trauma that you've experienced. Any maybe writing here is part of that journey.

It's also admirable that you've found a sense of happiness and freedom in your current life, even though it may not align with the expectations of your family or community. You have the right to live your life on your own terms, and to pursue the things that bring you joy and fulfillment.

It's not uncommon for family to pressure someone to conform to certain beliefs or behaviors, but ultimately, it's up to you to decide what feels true and authentic to you. You have the right to set boundaries and make choices that are in your best interest, even if it means distancing yourself from certain people or communities.

There are many people who have gone through similar experiences, and there are resources available to support you.  Above all, please know that you deserve love, acceptance, and happiness. You have the right to live your life in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling to you.

There is so much more I wish I could say but it would take another post. Perhaps this one line will suffice.... I believe what you say in your post and very sad and angry that people that profess to love one another, help the outsider, etc. will do the opposite. 

[therising]

Hi teaBee

I'm so glad you feel the feeling of being complete. It is such a truly beautiful feeling and I find sometimes it's worth fighting for. The reason I mention fighting comes down to...if we find our self arguing/fighting with others, it's worth remembering exactly what we're fighting for. This is something you touch on, being true to yourself. While fighting to remain true to our self, we can appear difficult, argumentative, deluded, unreasonable, misguided etc to others.

Having been raised Catholic, I'd class myself as simply a soulful or spiritual gal these days. Looking back at how I left my religion behind, I think it pretty much began with questioning. We know we're at the beginning of some great quest when there's a lot of questioning of things we've finally begun to find questionable. As a great pioneer trekking through life (covering some uncharted territory), that inner compass becomes about feeling our way toward what feels right for us, while moving away from what feels wrong in some way.

Like yourself, I've found there are some truly great elements of the faith I was raised in. I like to see myself as having a kind of backpack. Within it, I collect and hold the things I love, things that resonate with me and who I am. I'll collect some of the beautiful offerings and teachings of Christianity, some offerings and teachings from Buddhism, some things from mainstream spirituality, some from psychology, philosophy etc. This backpack becomes a life resource in many ways, especially in tough times. 

Every new challenge holds the potential to bring a part of us to life that may have lay dormant in a way, something that you've experienced for yourself, with all these new aspects of you having come to life. With your family pushing for you to come back into the fold, what do you think this challenge could be about? What part of you may be waiting to come to life? If the challenge involves giving of yourself (your time, love and attention) while not sacrificing your true self/true nature, perhaps it's about developing 'the boundary setter' in you. The boundary could involve visiting on the condition there's no discussion of religion or religious ways you find upsetting. If you have no desire to return, this involves a whole other challenge.

[geoff]

Hello teaBee, I am not religious myself but appreciate those who want to be, but I don't particularly like people who believe in a religion insist that I change to their belief, because that's intruding on my own personal life and can well and truly affect my mental space.

I've had past relatives who insisted I follow their religion and because of this I turned the opposite way, but must say I'm sorry to those who have a definite belief as I don't want to affend you.

If at the moment you feel free then that's all you want and continue to develop your own beliefs.

Geoff.

Life Member.