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Relationships, Anxiety and Depression

rob727
Community Member

Hello Everyone,

I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am having unrelenting anxiety surrounding my relationship of 2.5 years. He is such a wonderful man. One of the most understanding, supportive and gentle people I know. However, I can't stop questioning whether we are in love anymore and whether or not I should end the relationship. The anxiety surrounding this thought process is debilitating. Some days I find it difficult to get out of bed, and end up sick and crying because it all feels so overwhelming. My life is in transition at the moment as I just finished my degree and my research thesis, leaving me a little lost for purpose. I had these feelings a little throughout the past two months of completing my thesis, but now that it is done it is like they are back ten fold.

When I think about actually ending the relationship I am reduced to tears. The thought of not being able to see him anymore and not having him in my life devastates me and makes me feel even more depressed. However, our relationship feels stagnant. Our libido has dropped off, we are inundated with financial worries and we are about to move in with my parents to pay off debts and save up some money. When I think about all this, I feel trapped and not sure how I got here. Some days I feel resolute in my decision to break up with him. Then others I am overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of not being together.

I dont know whether it is my intuition telling me I am not in love anymore or if my anxiety and depression are skewing my view of this relationship. Also the thought of causing him any pain makes me sick. Has anyone else been in the same situation?

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

With all that is happening on your life, How vould you possibly judge how eell your relationship is at the moment?

All the good signs are there to indivste a loving caring relationship but with worries financially , your education and tail between the legs- moving in with parents, no wonder libido has suffered.

There has to be a balance in everything we do for life harmony

Google

Beyondblue Topic the balance of your life

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

TonyWK

Alexlisa
Community Member

Hello Rob,

I’m really glad you reached out here. It sounds like you have a lot of difficult thoughts running through your head. I was wondering if you see a psychologist? It sounds like you really need someone to talk to who can help you work through your thoughts and feelings.

It could also help you better understand how depression/anxiety is affecting your thinking about it all.

I left a 10 year relationship a while ago and my psychologist helped me work through so much. I was really frightened that I wasn’t strong enough to decide what I really wanted and follow through. It took months of me going round the issues, getting it clear in my head what I really wanted. I don’t think I could have done that without her support and strength. I could finally get some clarity.

You mentioned about money strain. You can ask your GP for a Mental Health Care Plan that will let you see a psychologist for free 10 times per year.

Living with all those feelings and confusion you have is rough. Sometimes we need help from someone else to help us sort through all the messiness in our heads, so we can find the answers. You deserve that.

Take care

Alexlisa

rob727
Community Member

Hello Alexlisa,

Thanks for responding. Its tough, I go through stages of really wanting to make it work and feeling like we can get that loving feeling back to being completely resolute in my decision to end the relationship. Its difficult to figure out if it is my mental health issues and current life situation, or if it is my genuine feeling towards the relationship.

What makes it harder is his unwavering support and understanding. He just supported me through my final years of study which were pretty tumultuous, and I come out the other side questioning whether or not I want this relationship anymore. I feel heavy with guilt. I also don't want to throw away something that could be fixed...

I feel like I have run out of adrenaline for the day and am quite numb to the situation. It is becoming really exhausting and effecting my work. I think it has been on my mind 24/7 for the past month. I have booked in with my psychologist, so here is hoping I find some clarity.