Relationship over - 10 years

[Wookie123]

Hi all, 

after 10 years together, my partner ended our relationship 2 weeks ago. At first it didn’t seem real, but today we chatted and she said doesn’t want to come back. Her reason is she’s just unhappy and not sure what she wants.

I’m genuinely struggling, I just don’t know what to do. I’m 43, no kids and now feels like I have nothing to show for my life. 
mornings, and especially nights have been hard. Eating dinner, that basically doesn’t happen as I can’t think of a time in 10 years we haven’t sat down together.  I just sit and cry.

I don’t have a big circle of friends, my family support is not the best. Work colleagues have been good, but with all this is still feel very lonely. So very lonely.

what I can’t understand is that if she doesn’t know what she wants, why do I have to be the sacrificial one? Why me? It just hurts so much 

[HelloGail]

Hi Wookie 123

I really feel your pain as I read you eat alone now, feeling her loss. I am so glad you have a good job and it sounds it may be your saviour. Reach out to your colleagues, organise a group outing/hike/movie etc I had a work colleague whose partner of ten years broke it off with her and he married someone within months of their break up but my colleague soon met someone else and eventually married. I have never been in a long term relationship, my marriage lasted 12 months.

[HelloGail]

The usual saying, "if you don't know what to do, do nothing".

It may not resonate in your situation but it makes sense to me, grieve, cry, punch a pillow, go for a long walk, sit alone in a cafe and have a coffee then grieve some more, the rain eventually ceases and the sun will shine, it is all about time we need to endure (feel the pain), grieve and you will become a better person, a new person, getting to know your own self as you have been together for ten years so give yourself time too.