Relationship Insecurities

[YungAl]

Hello there..

I want to know that I am not alone..I am very very insecure..Im npt overweight or particularly unnattractive (according to others, not me), I am great with people, confidently spoken, I just actually hate myself most of the time.

My issue is that I get panic attacks and particularly down when people, especially my close mates or boyfriend, talk about how attractive other girls are. I struggle to watch movies because there are almost always attractive girls in them. I dont know why I am like this..i find girls attractive as much as the next person but it really really affects me to the point I am so scared of meeting my boyfriend's mates because I KNOW they will say oh hey check this chick out blah blah and I will have an anxiety attack in front of them. Help me please ive felt this way for ten years

[kanga_brumby]

YungAl welcome to beyond blue forums. A safe place to speak about our problems.

Your problem is insecurity. You have difficulty when you see, or have someone point out attractive features in another woman. I believe you have a partner, who finds you attractive enough to be seen with any where. This is not enough you need to be reassured that you are beautiful. Almost every woman I have met has the same feelings, and needs the reassurance that they are attractive. They all need to be told daily if they have done their makeup, hair they expect the males to notice. Then us blokes don't really notice or pass comment. At a guess I would say you are attractive and just need reassurance.

Kanga

[YungAl]

Hello kanga,

Thanks for your reply. My partner tells me.how attractive I am but i realise i cannot be constantly reassured, plus I know that confidence in one's self is what makes someone more attractive. It is strange I am like this because I personally barely take notice if someone is particularly attractive or not. I never comment on whether they are or not but everyone else feels they have to..like they think they're cool for finding someone who is clearly attractive, attractive. I find it immature and unintelligent conversation but guess who looks like a boring insecure loser when they don't agree oh yeah she is so hot blah blah, yep, yours truly. I am so sick of feeling this way..people tell me i am good looking and i dont mind the way i look, have grown to enjoy the way i look..but why am i so weird about others being attractive. It doesn'teven have to be my parnter saying someone else is good looking, anyone that does it really annoys me..and i wouldnt ever do it myself..i do not know where this comes from.

[SubduedBlues]

Hi YungAL

there is more than just how you look that makes us men want to stay with the woman we're with. Sure, having an attractive partner is good for the ol' pride, but really it is not the be-all and end-all of a girlfriend.

Where those Miss America types may appear to be eye candy to our friends, and may give us a hint of pride that people think their girl is super-hot, we also know that they can be self-centered, shallow, or high-maintenance. Mostly we prefer someone who "gets us", and is able to make us feel wanted/needed/loved.

I mean, on one hand having someone who looks like Gabrielle Anwar or Nikki Hilton would be super cool, but I'd really prefer to have the miss nobody would likes me for me.

The thing is, you BF may look at others but chooses you over them everytime. And that, means you have something that they don't have. And for him, you are that special someone.

Hope this helps
SB

[geoff]

hello YungAl, it upsets me to think that you feel this way, because what does being attractive really mean, OK appearance will always get the looks but do they have what else goes with being attractive, confidence, passion, personality and how they help those who are finding life pretty tough.
The best looking person may not have any of these, so any r/ship wouldn't be able to last, it wouldn't work out, so appearance is only temporary and certainly not everything a person wants.
I had an attractive wife and a lot of males wanted to be friendly with her, that really annoyed me, which I think made my more protective of her, but she liked it, however when there was some female that took special attention to me, then she took great offence and hated it as well.
What happens is that people are drawn towards someone they are not dating, but they don't know what they are actually like, in other words, if they started dating it could all go suddenly wrong because their personalities could easily clash, so definitely being beautiful isn't the answer to everything.
So can I ask you, do you ever hear of a mature person making a comment about someone and their looks, I don't think I have, so these people haven't gained that maturity as of yet and will slowly learn.
Take pride in yourself, how you believe in yourself and what pride you are able to carry within yourself. Geoff.

[YungAl]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you so much, this has really helped and it's nice to know I am not alone. It is nice to have an attractive partner but also can be hard. You are right about the maturity thing, I just see no need in making a fuss over someone who is attractive, unless they are your partner.

Thank you for your reply, its been very very helpful

[YungAl]

Hello SB,

Thanks for your kind words, you are exactly right!!! And my partner has chosen me, over all the women he could have, im the one he wants!!! I need to just appreciate this i think.

Thanks heaps 🙂

[Char2344]

Hey YungAl,

Wow! I can not relate more to your post! I have terrible insecurities about pretty women! my boyfriend is very good looking, can get any woman he wants and it drives me mad because I feel I am not good enough. It has almost broken our relationship many many times but I can't stop thinking about how much women are better or prettier than me - especially in places like his work etc.

I can't really offer advise because I am constantly being torn apart by these insecurites. I just know that this comes from a place deep inside of me (or us). Did something happen to make you feel inadequate or insecure? Why are you not confident in yourself? Did something happen to you in the past? Did you do something that is creating these fears? these are the questions I ask myself daily. Accept who you are - clearly a beautiful, intelligent woman who offers your boyfriend so much more than looks. I know it's easy to say but deep down this is really true advise.

I hear your struggle and know that someone else feels the same as you do. Lets try to be awesome women together and know we deserve love and happiness as much as anyone else.

🙂