Sadness, Anger, Fear, Sadness
My wife is recovering from breast cancer, is having a bad run of things and is still not back at work after 9 months. There is more little bits to this story, and I'm not trying to be "hard done by" here, but things are now piling up on my doorstep, the wife has forgiven the daughter, has taken to religion, and I'm the worst thing because..... I've been to a psychologist before, over the daughters behavioural problems, she wasn't able to offer me much advice apart from breathing excercises.
I'm on antidepressants and feel that they are just not working anymore, or at least not enough!! My wife is now on a spending spree and keeps telling me to cut spending! I'm just very down about the whole thing now and am looking for a way out, 13 years of abuse from our daughter, now I feel as if my wife through her problems is "deserting me". After writing this down, I feel a bit pathetic, but wish I could get off the world anyway.
Dear Kentish man~
I guess if you when you self-esteem is right down then writing here can be difficult to do, you may even see it as some sort of admission of failure. Well the first thing is I'm glad you did, it can be the first step in correcting some obvious misconceptions and maybe in time you will feel a lot better.
OK, first off if you are hit by life as hard as you have been then it might be possible to shift it around until you convince yourself you are inadequate, or it's your fault, or any one of umpteen destructive thoughts. All entirely unjustified. You are not the person who started your daughter on ice, nor the one that has made you wife unreasonable. You are just someone unlucky enough to be caught in the middle.
You really have three problems. First a daughter who has reached the stage in drug use where taking the drug is the only important thing in life, where stealing and abusive behavior is OK. What can you do about that? What can anyone do about that? Well not a lot really. Loving your daughter from afar would seem to be it.
Second a wife who has had a hard time and has sought solace in religion, and if I understand your words correctly, does not have a friendly relationship with you, perhaps because you see your daughter more clearly. This of course is tied up in money worries. If there is aggression then I'm not sure what you can do there either, other than to try to act as reasonably as you are able (which may not be much)
The third problem is the strain upon you, having to bear the load of two people that are off the tracks as well as your own illness. It's gotten to that alarming stage of you 'looking for a way out', 'getting off the world' , suicidal thoughts.
This is a big warning flag that indicates something needs to be done now. I'd strongly suggest seeing your doctor and explaining how you are -including the suicidal thoughts - and ask for your regime to be altered and get further advice.
Secondly is there anyone you can seek support from? Stay with, talk to - who will want to help? Having another onside is a very great thing when in situations like yours.
If things get overwhelming have a talk on out 24/7 Help Line above, or the Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467. There is no stigma involved, they are just warm and professional.
I'm worried about you and would really appreciate it if you posted again
I am not really sure what to say to give you advise kentish man because I haven't been through what you have. The one thing that gets me through tough times is telling myself 'Charlotte, I wont let you down. I am here for you. You are worthy of your own love and I'll get you through the bad times, whatever they are. I can count on you whatever happens'. It's so simple and silly but it helps - even a little. Maybe a similar small mantra can give you a glimmer of hope 🙂
I do know that you have a wonderful forum here to express your thoughts - whether you feel they are good or bad. Continue to write and know you have someone on the other end to listen!
Keep being positive and know your worth. My thoughts are with you 🙂