Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

oh yeah it's a huge thing. ldk there were so many things big things l've loved too but lately. l've thought it's her stressors, anxiety, health and stuff, 5yr frustration, def' some of that, maybe commitment settles her down again but things could also be the real her just coming out more too. So that makes it even bigger and def not something l should need to question l know.

lt's like m you know , your seeing and excepting that a lot of his things are just him these days , could be with her too.

[randomxx]

There's one very strange thing but tbh with all her ups and downs l've drawn quite a bit affirmation from this during times and it's sort of helped me keep the faith butttt, so much for that.

About 12 mths ago l stumbled over this write up and it was by a real shrink too not just anyone, She'd had so many clients with relationship/marriage troubles that she decided to write this sort of guide l suppose you'd call it.

Well part of it was things when if in doubt you should be still noticing about your partner and that if they act and do anything like this kind of list she pointed out, then they very much do still love you and their heart is still in the relationship/ marriage.

Well do you know gf ticked every single thing and then some , everything, all of it and she had from day one and still was. Even in the ways she just couldn't do enough for you that was part of it too..

And the strange part is she still was but yet at the same time we were both feeling and wondering and thinking if we should be going any further and now this, but yet she was still all that 300% only 2 wks ago.

That's all partly why l thought a ring could settle things down bc she'd been a stressed out and emotional mess so long it was like 1/2 the time her real actions between the lines totally contradicted what she was actually saying at whatever the time.

So l'll never be able to figure that part of things out.

[randomxx]

Cm , when your back , what do you think of this only with say m. Bc this is what l've been clutching at.

lf, lf , m was a ful on bf and partner in all the right and normal ways , you'd probably feel very very differently now and would've been right through l would think , what do you think ?

But l'm thinking bc he's never really been that, he's always about other people and his time and his things and then you have the miss's -sis , he's never mover past your almost kinda part time thing either , feeling and wants have never gotten past any of that either

And so to me the way your feeling these days and the on and offs ways you've been feeling  right through really , and these days your near ready to walk away , all come back to your 5yrs with him and to the way he's been.

Would you think something like that ? Would you think that;s all basically why your where your at now after 5yrs about him ?

See , for me, l've been very different to m but at the same time l've thought it still amounts to the same thing. l've been on of in out not fully into it holding back and here 5yrs later l've still been in the same place.

Even after 5yrs she still hasn't even seen me or felt me fully in and full bf or partner, there's still been this hold back from me , has right through.

[CMF]

Rx,  your absolutely right. If he had been 100% in and not 'married' to his sister I would feel very different.  The sis issue became apparent after about 1 year & hald. Ten it became really obvious when it was clear he wouldn't so anything about it cos SHE would get upset. I get angry just thinking about it. I used to tell him I don't know what he's like without her cos she was there tge whole time. Moved in when we started dating so I never had a chance. Yeah, makes me angry toward him.

So yes, you are 100 % correct.

[randomxx]

Thanks for that cm .

things are making a lot more sense then and sadly l can see with us there's been a kind of cause and effect to and frow going on both ways for a long time now.

ldk , she's still become even more wound than ever though and whether it be just with age or an accumulation, us, me,   her just being more her these days or whatever for me it's just causing even more of it and so prob for her too sadly.

lt does help though to at least have found some understanding though.

Big hugs too,

rx

[randomxx]

We talked a bit over the wkend. Admittedly l was the one that brought it on really bc when l was leaving her last we didn't even have a nice good bye. lt was fast and rushed l'm not a morng person we had to rush to the station 6am then the train was leaving l was all flustered and messed up feeling like crap and l had a huge bad day coming l knew that to so.

We didn't even get to cuddle but yet l knew it may well be the last time just couldn't believe it happened like that.

Wish l could go back just for that proper cuddle and hold and goodbye l've felt like total shyt about it all since and so regret it.

l emailed apologizing and explainng how messed up and bad l've felt since. She called later and we talked a bit so wish we could redo our goodbye through the phone somehow.

[randomxx]

bUTTTT, also much thinking too over this last wk or 2 about everything else as well.

l need to come back tonight when l'm awake properly and get it all out of my head.

[randomxx]

We've have talked about why l've held back all this time to though and the fact that the reason l have , is basically happening now.

She says oh well we all change but well yeah and l could be the one left picking up the pieces.

And l didn't say that to gloat either l wish it was the other way round l would've loved to be wrong but unfortunately , it wasn't bc she's a different person with whole new ideals to 3 or 4yrs ago now.

So it's not that l blame me holding back for everything now actually it probably doesn't have much to do with her changes last yr or two they'd still be happening no matter anyway l'm realizing.

She's just become so damn neurotic and stressy, my God she stress's over anything and everything from every grain of dirt or dust around every millimetre  of the house to food and meals to exercising , ok on that one she does have a beautiful bod but if she's too damn stressed and making me that way too then , well ! To arguing every of the tiniest of points, well it ends up that way and it's not from me either l actually cool the jets bc l see it coming.

She says she can't control it , l mean wt , get a grip. Yesterday she text saying she was weak, ahhh, from shopping, groceries, for crying out loud. What she means by weak is literally feeling sick from the stress of it. Grabbing some groceries with her these days my God, we use to have fun.

This is just everyday rubbish it's not even about her real stressors those are what's making her sick l suspect but everything's basically done and pretty well over now very close to anyway she doesn't even have to be worrying really but this everyday life stuff, ldk

well l do actually , l know l'm not living with it.

[randomxx]

One of the biggest and most important things l loved about her and about us was just our general living and the way that we just lived , existed , it was just so damn cool , almost a harmony . But she was also of the coolest women and person l've ever met, how could it have all changed to such a degree but it has.

[CMF]

Do you think all the stress of her situation has caused her anxiety or ocd? Could it be menopause? Maybe cos she's pn her own she's got too much time to stress over dust etc.