Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Ever wonder what will become in life if you just stop trying , just for once.

l've experimented with that a few times for periods.

[CMF]

I agree you need to work for what you want. I don't believe things will just come to us, although they do for someone I know. Maybe cos he's always positive? I do think though that if the effort is too much or forced then maybe it's not meant to be. We need to work at things but not so hard that it affects our happiness.

[randomxx]

Yeah pretty well my thoughts too , you can usually see the difference in things and of just what's doing what.

My older brother and his w persisted 10yrs or so from two states, they've been happily married for centuries now butttt, where's the line l guess right.

like m , you were just too different, that's a very big line and a very important one.

But ahhh, l dunno.  Things yeah ok come to him but they are my the more shallower things in life, the surface stuff, not so much the really big stuff, often the way with people like him l've noticed. Look at it this way, he thinks his bs had you all tied and dusted but ha, how far from the truth was that.

[CMF]

Here's a question.  If you ended with gf, then met up cos she struggling, listened to her say she needed time to heal but still wanted you in her life cos you've known each other 30+ years,  would you flirt with her & start something up again knowing she was still hurting & not open to meeting others yet? Would you tell her in again knowing how much she loved you & you broke her heart, never put her first.

Would you do this to her?

[randomxx]

Ahh, sorry cm, but nah , of course not.

[CMF]

Didnt think so 🙂- thank you.

It wasn't casual in the usual sense. We discussed, we had rules. He took advantage of it.

[randomxx]

He thinks he was good to you and he didn't run off with anyone else so he thinks he was all good.

[CMF]

Exactly but he may as well have. Stringing someone along when you know they are still fragile is cruel. I really believe he just isn't capable of realising this. He is only concerned with what suits him. I don't think he has the emotional maturity to see how hurtful his actions are. He has a problem in this regard.  He doesn't want his son to buy property in the country cos he won't get to see him every day. I told M it's not always about him. That he's selfish for only considering himself. Seriously,  he is so entitled & only considers what he wants & not others' happiness.

How are things with you?

[randomxx]

He's a strange one alright no doubt about it.

l don't think he even knew why this and why that with you until he was os and it finally twigged . But then he cam home you started seeing ea other again and the cycle started again.

His son ha, l hope he's son actually likes the idea bc ldk hth anyone let alone young people now are ever gonna buy a place anymore unless they don't go regional . Unless m wants to chip in a few 100k for his deposit in the city.

My end ahhhh, a little confusing right now tbh.

Firstly , really we've been off all yr now, 5-6mths well, nothings gotten very far or changed much still all up in the air or nowhere really until a few wks back and she's been more her old self again finally.

Thing is since then she's still convinced she can't cope with a relationship though still saying she's too sick. We haven't talked about us at all but she has said that stuff though andddd, l'm thinking bloody hell, l must have rocks in my head even bothering or still even talking with her.

l mean she usually gets all negative when we're apart again but when we're together again she's always full on and making plans and all in so in ways l just take her offs with grain of salt  And even now if l did go up she'd probably be all in again.

But l'm starting to think why even bother l must be crazy right. l suppose the only reasons are well you know, there's feelings and history and a pattern and l know she gets full on anxiety apart buttttt, at the same time, welllll.

Butttt, there's also be a small turn of events in an opposite direction. There's a new girl on at the servo up road. Def' some sparks flying there but it has just really been making me think too though you know .

l mean gf well , or whatever we've been last 6mths, she ain't no ordinary person you know- she has all her problems and she just everywhere her minds everywhere we've been everywhere 5yrs of it. Well had of l committed like she'd wanted right through l can't say if that would've settled down, that's why l couldn't bring myself to take the chance l've needed to see some stability in her.

Anywayyy, with this new girl it all gets you thinking. l mean no one else would be gf's crazy head and with all her sickness bs  bc half of it is bs, she still dances 3 or 4x a wk still walks frickin 20k without batting an eyelid, still fitter than most 30yr olds.

ldk if she's single married or what, no ring but being a servo there's no gaps between customers mostly although any time lt's been just us she got the most beautiful smile l've ever seen and she's really chatty and def different with me as to other customers.

Just gets you thinking to though you know. l mean she's probably a normal mentally healthy stable woman, you know. Man what a change that'd be. And she works, drives, and she's bloody gorgeous and we def' have some sparks flying about if nothing else.

Mind you, really hard to tell her age too she might be a lot younger than l'm thinking for what l'd be looking for if l was, can't tell. And l look much younger than what l am so they usually think l am too so anyway, we might not even be close or ball park. So hard to tell with some women. But eh if we could get a few minutes alone in there , the way l'm feeling about ex or gf or whatever th we are these days , l'm thinking to hell with it l'll see what l can do ha ha.

Mind you, l reckon she will be a lot younger than l'm thinking.

[randomxx]

And she's probably got 20kids and a man somewhere anyway right.