Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

How are you?

[randomxx]

Thanks cm.How r u doin r you ok ?

Pretty damn stressed atm tbh my end.

So sad for my d, poor things just wanted to get out into the world and start her life yrs now but she's stuck at home with this mad insane housing crisis that our gov;s just guaranteed will not be even close to fixed for yrs now with an overload of new immigration.  l just can not believe what is happening to this country we're now back to having the second dearest housing in the world and even worse is our young people can't even find a place to live. So sad for her.

Andddd, work and finances have also been taking a bit of a turn of late, this whole yrs as a matter of fact has been throwing crap at me it's just been mad. And l've had big plans so they're looking a bit shaky right now but we';; just have to see.

gf wise well, a glimpse of happiness for a few minutes there she called sat night about something. Think we both forgot the situation just for once and it was just so damn nice . We laughed and talked as if nothing has happened, and a bit more today.

ln the big picture right now it doesn't mean much though , but it was just nice. Especially to hear her old self for a bit, mine too.

On another level though before all that and through last wk, been thinking a lot. So many guys will not go near a girl that isn't on her feet financially , independent and has her shyt together. Been hearing that for yrs. Not about gf but just hearing it when they talk about meeting someone. In a way though man, forgotten what that's like with all gf's problems including finances.

But l dunno. On one hand when she's living here or me up at hers,things doesn't really cost anymore than they do alone really, especially at my place. Billls are the same everythings the same we just buy more food really , same at hers.Although here l do have drive her everywhere , sometimes that's good but others a bit of a pain.

But anyway through last wk l'd just been thinking well , if we don't work out our crap and there was someone new one day, at least she'd probably have her crap together haaa, and then she calls sat night.

l mean l'm not very materialistic or anything and live pretty minimal but yaknow, the way things have been going this yr at the same time, it all certainly makes you think well , if things with us didn't work out.

Mind you , l'd rather be with someone like her than the sort of partner an alternative might be. Yeah she might have it together be on her feet drive a car but that doesn't men she'll be a good partner, she might be crap.

Scuse rant just came in tonight to get all this of my chest.

[randomxx]

Been a weird wk gf wise, not the right word right now but still easiest.

She called again few days later, we talked a few hrs l was out at work . So it was so much like just the us before. lf we weren't blabbering away all day in messages and calls at work or when she's here and coming out wearing god knows what or often not too much at all ha ha, playing round. l miss all our chatter and play so much, it wouldn't be any of that with someone else. luckily in my job l can usually do what l want or sit down and blab all day, ofc l don't get much done but yaknow.

Just yet more of the things that not only meant so much but that also just make everything confusing bc no one else would fit into my life or work or make it what she does and in the ways she does that all comes from her just being her and us just being us, as a pain in the arse that she can also be.

lf there ever was anyone new it'd be like some step down or slipping back into the mundane of life bc we just wouldn't be or have all that kind of chemistry gf and l have. Problems and all it's still a lot to think about bc all that and our ways and her ways mean so much, they're the important stuff to me. l don't giva shyt how together someone is or how this or how that, l care about who she is and who we are and all the ways that we are first and foremost .

At any rate,she's been in a funny mood this wk , more like her old self. She's still on those meds but also taking something else new to , but she has been her old self the self l haven't seen for 6mths, it's been so nice to see.

She wrote me something, l'm just not sure how to take it, but it was beautiful. She talked about a lot of things and of how it means so much, and of how she still loves me and thanked me for still being there and for not abandoning her.

And much more but too personal for here, it was long.

But then a few days before of how her health is still fkd and of how she still can't cope, it was like black, but then white.

Soooo, as nice as it's been l'm also weary too and not taking anything for more than just a moment for now.

Probably not much of any of that will make much sense to and on looker but it'll do for now.

rx

[CMF]

Up & down, black & white, chalk & cheese. Wish I had advice for you but It sounds like every day is different. Def enjoy the moments but I know that doesn't help you with ling term decisions. 

[randomxx]

Ah that's alright cm no worries at all.

lt's been really nice, really nice, but on this, not stressin atm , enjoying but really, it's in the grain of salt basket as is right now.

l can see she's been doing a lot of reflecting though which was what l wanted , and l have too.

lf in though again l'd have to be in properly no hold back half way rubbish and she said it herself too, that's what's been overloading her anxiety on top of her other stuff especially at the 5yr and l see it all too. A lot like you with just where m was at -different things but same result. l've been there but not.

Anyway, might go see her later on if we're still at it and take it from there. Neither of us can go anywhere atm so we see.

rx

[CMF]

At least you're still talking a bit. As for me, I think I'm gonna get rid of all the stuff he gave me. No good memories there. Out of 5 years I reckon 1.5 years were good then all the sis stuff started to kick in. I wanna getvrid of anything associated with him.

[randomxx]

l know how hard it's all been so sorry about it all. lf it's any consolation though your doing the right thing in breaking it off. There was something wrong with him it it all.

like l've been just as bad but point is in a totally different way and reasons but the effects been the same. She said 5 effg yrs you've never fully been my love and she's right.

Yeah she was in a v dicey situation butttt she saw it through got through it excepted l wouldn't get too involved until it was over but she was still there later no ifs or buts but l still have and it's been over 2yrs now. 

She even said 18mths ago we're free now we can do what we want, she had brilliant ideas but me still dragging feet.

Anywayyyy, l'm sorry about your end but yep, 1 1/2 yrs,l know, it should've been  a lot more than that. Apart from our last trip l've loved it all, troubles just start when we're apart but l get it now.

ldk, if it doesn't feel nice then yeah, maybe think about getting rid of it even bit by bit. l've really got nothing from ex w, 22 yrs, just a few pics , one or 2 other things, ldk.

lf we were done now l'd probably get rid of things when l'm ready eventually but l haven't been sure so it's just all around still. l did offer once to send it all up to her but she wouldn't have it.

[randomxx]

l thought she said she was still on those same meds plus a new one but nope she stopped them 3wks ago.

Bit of a coincidence that she's so much brighter more her old self now and not still in misery right.

We've been talking a lot through the wkend but ldk how smart l'm being though God this is all hard without seeing ea other like a normal couple. l wasn't too bothered but we're talking more since and ldk, just wanna be with her in person again see if she really has settled down again before we get too carried away but that'll be awhile off.

Then we'll still have another 2yrs of the interstate dilemma too, and then my own plans for later in the yr bc of thinking we were done.

Bloody.

[CMF]

Stick to your plan. If it's meant to be it will be.

[randomxx]

Yeah, maybe, pretty well the plan really. l've always been two minds with the meant to be stuff myself though, in life in general and in love.

Yaknow, like it's usually pretty hard work and persistence, sometimes grueling, in life to get anything done or to where we wanna be, or to for fill a dream.

l've seen the same in peoples relationships. 

With most things l find it's all about just what it is that's causing the work and what it is that's just happening naturally.