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Porn addiction and the isolated partner!

Miss_Anxious
Community Member

Hi,

My partner struggles with porn addiction, we have discussed this and it always resurfaces. It's how he deals with stress and 'has nothing to do with me' but I can't help feel it is dividing us. I he asked him to talk to me if he has worries but he never does. I feel as though I'm losing it. Does anyone have any advice?

12 Replies 12

I don't think it really matters. What matters is that porn is a well established negative drain on relationships and has a well established track record of destroying them, regardless of the frequency.

It was explained to me that it becomes an addiction when its abused as a self soothing tool. I and many others view the material to escape reality but like any addiction it only numbs the pain of our real pain and stress.

It's far too easy to obtain in the modern era. I first watched porn when I was 10. Now 30 I have consumed every genre imaginable.

I speak first hand when I agree with Mark that seeing a GP is certainly a good step in the right direction.

Hearing what a professional has to say can really drive it home.

Matt.

SubduedBlues
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Miss Anxiuous

I feel your concern and desire to reconnect with your partner. Discussing anything on a deep and personal level, particularly our addictions, it a very intimate encounter for some people (and I don't mean sex). Have you been able to ascertain why type or aspect of porn that he is addicted to? Answering this question can help in which strategies you may need to use to influence a change in his behavior.

Aspects such as:

  • Is it the nudity or desire to see other people naked?
  • Is it the fantasy or desire to have spontaneous sex?
  • Is it the voyeurism (desire to watch others have sex)?

If it were the nudity, perhaps this could be overcome by taking him to Life Drawing classes. There he could learn to deal with his stress through arts; whilst satisfying an internal desire to see naked people. OR it could be that he has a secret desire to be nude around strangers; in that case maybe a trip to the local nude beach would help.

If it's the fantasy, I'm sure you could dream up some spontaneous activities and scenarios for him. Or if you need his input, why not put a porno on the TV (with the volume on mute) so you can talk to him about what he'd like to do.

If its the voyeurism, well that one is a bit out of my league. Or it could be something altogether different. Some people say that when we dream of being naked, we harbor fears of people finding out out secrets. And when we dream of other people being naked that we have a desire to unveil their secrets.

If he has a Twitter account, follow him, and then you can see what he re-posts and likes. Twitter is the number one source of online porn.

The thing is, without knowing what he is addicted too, it is really hard to offer any meaningful advice that could lead to understanding why porn.

Best wishes, and I hope you find answers soon.
SB