Partner dominates conversations, I cant speak?

[w1nn1e]

I am currently in a happy and loving relationship but sometimes I feel that the partner talks a LOT. In no way are they narcissistic or toxic just to make that clear. But I notice that throughout the duration of a sleepover together, they would have not once asked me how my week has been going or how I am (we have a sleepover once a week). Its clear that they care about me in the way they treat me nicely but sometimes it would be great if they showed interest in what I would like the conversation to be about. Like sometimes when they come over they will just launch into a rant about something and I just find myself agreeing and nodding instead of being engaged in the conversation since they are talking at me the whole time. It makes me feel guilty as I know this person is great but if I try to bring up my opinion/thought/or a story then its gets sort of dismissed and just goes back to what they want to say. As I said, this person is not narcissistic or selfish and I do see a future with them but I just don't know how to go about discussing this with them. I don't want to change them or stop them from being outspoken and talkative. But I have also noticed when they talk on the phone they can talk at the person on the other end for hours as well, so I know its not a personal thing towards me. Just don't know how to bring it up without sounding harsh or insulting in case they do have underlying symptoms of ADHD (talking non-stop)?

Would appreciate any advice on how I can go about this?

[quirkywords]

winnie

I will admit I can talk a lot by I am aware of it so I make sure I give others time to talk and I ask question.

I dont know how you partner would be feel about about asking each other 3 questions each. Can be about anythng unless you wnat boundaries.

This way he doesnt feel it is about him but you both get to ask and listen. You could choose a topic, make up your own questions but there are lots on the internet.

You are very caring. I know if someone says I took too much i go very quiet for a long time.

I suppose with question you can say it is a suggestion and may be fun.

If that doesn't work you could just syaing how much yo lik listening to him but you would like to join in the discussion.

AS I said people have told me and I do listen and try to be self aware but focusing on the other person by asking questions.

Just my thoughts which may not work fo you. I am sure others may have better ideas.

[Lauz22]

Hi,

My ex husband had a similar behaviour a trait as what you have described.

I too wondered if the trait was caused by something deeper such as autism or his anxiety. I still to this day don’t know.
He would cut me off, talk over me or at me. He never gave his undivided attention when I was speaking and when he was ‘listening’ he jumped in and dominated the conversation.

I understand how incredibly frustrating it is having a partner that makes you feel like you’re voice is non existent. It makes you feel like you don’t matter. That if they cared they would ask and take the time to engage in what you are saying.

This was one of the biggest problems I had in my marriage and probably was what destroyed it.

I have learnt the behaviour doesn’t represent their love or care for you. But is something going on inside them that makes them behave this way.

I would speak about it as I don’t think it is sustainable for you to hold back how you are feeling.

It would be better to try resolve it before it’s too late.

[w1nn1e]

Thanks quirkywords! I guess I feel scared because I'm not good at confrontation but I will just need to have an honest sit down and talk it out. Yeah I realise they never ask me questions, so it seems like they're disinterested in what I have to say but I don't think that's the case, they just don't realize what they are doing. Thank you for your input, I will let you know how it goes. Being a chatterbox isn't a bad thing btw! It encourages me to be more out-going 🙂

[w1nn1e]

Thank you Lauz22 for your insight. I have kept it inside of me for a while now and you're totally right I need to nip it in the bud before its too late. Indeed it is very frustrating because they can literally talk non stop without even realizing that I've stopped paying attention. I want to be careful with my words as I know this person does care for me but I share the same feeling as you that I feel that my voice doesn't matter when they are blabbing on and I've hardly spoken the whole time. Nice to know I am not the only one who has experienced this and I hope you have found someone better.

[Guest_3256]

Hello & good afternoon.

There needs to be balance on both ends. You mentioned that you aren't really interested in his conversation. You both need to learn to communicate more effetely and to be frank, it's not your partners fault that you are not interested in his conversation - please understand that this doesn't mean they are a bad person, it maybe that you need to participate in the conversations in a more engaging way. Just food for though.

[w1nn1e]

Hi

I mentioned that I am happy with them and know that they are actually a great person. The issue that I am having is that I feel that I can't participate because they tend to talk non stop (as in, not giving me time to respond or engage in the conversation) but I am not taking it personally as I have noticed that this is just the way they are. I realize it would be very mean of me to tell someone to talk less or to talk about different things.

[quirkywords]

Winnie,

I talk fast and someone verk kindly said to me to pause, they didnt say slow down or stop. I paused.

I know at times a talk a lot so i make sure i ask others questions and am aware of this. I think because you have a loving relationship hopefully you could mention to your partner in a positive way that you really enjoy listening to your partner and you would like to join in but sometimes that is hard because you find it more difficult than they do.

If you make it about you and what you wnat to do and not about them it may help. Just a thought.