You stand on a verandah, a view of farms below. You focus on cows someone else sees the farmer, anitheyr the irrigation.
And so it is with perceptions. We all sees things differently. And none more differently than during conflict.In fact I'd go as far to say, that our own perceptions during any conflict has one enemy....our lack of listening. We hear them but we rarely listen for we are too busy talking, dumping our own thoughts onto those we try to educate.
If you ever need a friend during conflict, then that friend is "clarity". To clarify a statement from the other party means you have to ask questions, to ask questions you display interest, to show interest results in you showing care and respect.One can respect another person but unless you show it, it is like love, far less valuable without affection. Simply saying "I respect you" isnt enough...action speaks louder than words.
So with us all having different perceptions during conflict or discussions we need to "paint a picture" in such a way as to allow every chance for the other party to "get it". We can talk all day, but unless we convey accurately our vision of how things are through our own eyes, how we perceive it, then conflict will remain or recur.
My wife and I are big talkers. We cant get a word in! So we raise our finger when we have a reply waiting. When she talks I have to listen, I force myself to take in every word and digest it. And visa versa. This pact of effort is one of several we have that has proven to be our secrets to a strong marriage.
Mental illness however can complicate the strongest bond. Lack of patience and tolerance can make things hard. Moods even worse as moodiness results is adverse reactions . My wife's dyslexia can be frustrating for me. Imagine what its like for her?
So to listen to your partner and to put your own issues aside can be crutial to resolve, harmony and praise.. it feels good that you've been heard and understood.Its the best form of reaching out at your fingertips. It will turn into an art...the expert listener is always rewarded with admiration and listening is often returned because they feel guilty they have been allowed to talk about themselves for such length of time.
Allowing others to express their perceptions on topics is to value their views. You are returning respect with action not just words...
Tony WK
