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Others perspectives

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

You stand on a verandah, a view of farms below. You focus on cows someone else sees the farmer, anitheyr the irrigation.

And so it is with perceptions. We all sees things differently. And none more differently than during conflict.In fact I'd go as far to say, that our own perceptions during any conflict has one enemy....our lack of listening. We hear them but we rarely listen for we are too busy talking, dumping our own thoughts onto those we try to educate.

If you ever need a friend during conflict, then that friend is "clarity". To clarify a statement from the other party means you have to ask questions, to ask questions you display interest, to show interest results in you showing care and respect.One can respect another person but unless you show it, it is like love, far less valuable without affection. Simply saying "I respect you" isnt enough...action speaks louder than words.

So with us all having different perceptions during conflict or discussions we need to "paint a picture" in such a way as to allow every chance for the other party to "get it". We can talk all day, but unless we convey accurately our vision of how things are through our own eyes, how we perceive it, then conflict will remain or recur.

My wife and I are big talkers. We cant get a word in! So we raise our finger when we have a reply waiting. When she talks I have to listen, I force myself to take in every word and digest it. And visa versa. This pact of effort is one of several we have that has proven to be our secrets to a strong marriage.

Mental illness however can complicate the strongest bond. Lack of patience and tolerance can make things hard. Moods even worse as moodiness results is adverse reactions . My wife's dyslexia can be frustrating for me. Imagine what its like for her?

So to listen to your partner and to put your own issues aside can be crutial to resolve, harmony and praise.. it feels good that you've been heard and understood.Its the best form of reaching out at your fingertips. It will turn into an art...the expert listener is always rewarded with admiration and listening is often returned because they feel guilty they have been allowed to talk about themselves for such length of time.

Allowing others to express their perceptions on topics is to value their views. You are returning respect with action not just words...

Tony WK

8 Replies 8

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Another great post Tony. The part about clarifying in a discussion can be helpful even when you're not arguing with someone. How many times have you been in an argument and shot a statement back at someone, only to have them say "No that's not what I was saying" or "I didn't mean that at all". Clarification not only means that you make sure you understand correctly before going off on a furious tangent, but it also gives the other person a chance to correct some clumsy words they may have used without realising how it sounded. Be forgiving and always think the best intentions of the other person, rather than approaching in defence.

Community Member

"My wife's dyslexia can be frustrating for me. Imagine what its like for her?"

I find this statement so comforting. My husband has only recently been pausing to look at things from my perspective and it's helping our relationship. Explaining how you feel, without dismissing the other persons views/emotions is so important and I wish more people realised! I hope more people stumble upon these wise words of yours and take it into consideration.

Thankyou EI

Much appreciated

Tony WK

Community Member

Understand completely but what happens when it's one of the others?

How will they understand how our mind works? Re,our triggers,noise,fence for dog,cause we can't cope?

And except that we are different?

I'm back,

I would like for some of the others to come live with us here and see what there answers are for our postings , what you think. I would find it fascinating,seriously.

Hi Dory

Ill be in that...I like chocolate milk before bed and dont make fun of my pink nighty....its special..

Ill check with my wife

....nope, she wants me all to herself....raincheck!!!!

Tony WK

You telling me nothing I already now.

I am going to bed to try get this OTHER to understand.🙄

Yeah I know you are special but pink doesn't do you justice