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Not sure what the best way forward is

Community Member

Hi there.

Firstly, this is the first time I’ve posted in a forum such as this. I’m not sure what to expect but felt I needed to talk about it in the hope of at least getting some guidance, so thank you for reading.

Ill start by saying I understand how I have the information is wrong on my behalf and I know that. I can’t change it so I just have to live with it.

A week or so ago after stumbling across a text between my girlfriend and her friend we had a large discussion on whether she still wanted to continue the relationship. She did not know I saw the text, just that I had a feeling she wasn’t happy. She decided that we should work on things and I agreed.

We we have not been sexually active together in months due to the drifting between us. I believed that we had just become comfortable together and that side of the relationship suffered a bit.

flash forward a week and I still felt like something wasn’t right. Again I saw a text from another male (I know reading her texts is wrong and I feel bad about doing so). These texts seem to confirm what I suspected in the first place.

The texts were all of a sexual nature and confirmed that there had been bother photos and videos sent as well as at least one occasion where they met up in person.

I asked her if she had been seeing anyone, or even texting anyone but she flat out denies it.

I know now it’s happened but without her admitting it how do I move forward?

Yes, I’ve done the wrong thing but I’m not sure how to deal with what I now know.

Any help would be appreciated. I understand if you want to place any judgement onto me for my actions as well.

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


You went with your gut instinct. I'm a big believer in that. Not sure if you and your gf live together. With any relationship there can be ups and downs. I know after 17 years of being married sometimes intimacy can take a bit more effort than other times. Never hurts to just cuddle if your both tired.

Maybe ask her how she would feel about a open relationship trial between you. If she gets upset and refuses to consider the idea then you have your answer she isnt cheating, maybe just into sexting and found she didnt like the person when they met. If she thinks it would be a idea then you know whats been happening.

You can allways use the idea to encourage relationship theropy if thats what your both happy with.

Community Member

Hi Anewhopeee,

I had the something very similar, (very messy back story no one wants to hear!) gut feelings are 99% correct, basically she's cheated/cheating on you, texts and pics of a sexual nature are in my books the same as physical contact, you have seen the evidence on her phone.

I don't know how long you have been with her and what the living arrangements are, but since she's gone and done this, in her mind it's over (sorry) she has gone from just thinking about it (we all wonder now and then when some one catches our eye "what if" and "that would be nice") but from actually thinking about it to actually doing it is a deal breaker and shows that she doesn't care.(you younger lot arn't wired up to settle down, tried it and it didn't work!)

My 1st wife did the same with a work mate, denied every thing, we had been together only for 3 years so it wasn't to bad when we split up and then got a divorce, it absolutely sucked ass but for my own sanity we had to call it quits.