Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Negative thoughts about my Fiancee

Community Member

Hello all

About 2 months ago I feel into negative thought patterns about my fiancee. My thoughts were- Do I want to break up?, Do I want to get married?, and Do I love her? Anyone else fell into this before marriage?


38 Replies 38


Just wanted to say that regarding house prices... it will be best to wait it out a little. I'd say at least 12 months. It is not a buyers market at the moment however it is trending towards that and gradually house prices are dropping. Just wait on purchasing at the moment and pounce when the time is right. Wish i could do more to help you. I hope you feel better soon dud. My thoughts and prayers are with you

I am feeling better and I have gave her the ultimatum now since we aren't together atm. Her family has intervened with our lifes and what they're want for what was our wedding. Parents are very old fashion and cant live together until married etc..


Great to see that you are feeling better. Perhaps consider renting for a while before you can commit to a purchase?

Hi Damien, each generation has different ideas to what their previous generation has grown up with, and I'm sure that your/her parents did things that weren't allowed, this will always be the case, the final decision has to come from the two of you.

I've done things that my parents didn't agree with, and the same has happened with my 2 sons, they're done exactly the same to my wife as well me, we didn't agree with what they did, but times change, and it won't be any different when you have children.


Originally her auntie gave us her granny flat for the year until we saved money and was comfortable to buy a house. Auntie forgot about that promise and my fiancee decided we should buy while houses prices are low. I told her after we couldn't get the granny flat that I wanted to rent. Told her on numerous occasions and she was stubborn because that what her parents and she want..

Finance is an issue for me but for her not so since she owns a investment property and has a good paying job. I was usually complaining about the wedding cost with her since we needed to save around $10k each. I thought that money would be better used elsewhere but for her she wanted the marriage and the family want it to. What gets me annoyed is the mum always wants her way when it comes to how the marriage is done..


Financial issues are a major cause of relationship breakdown. You need to have a talk with your fiancee and explain to her in a non-offensive way that it is your (yours and her) life and not that of your mother in law. I'm sure she will come to the realisation that her love for you outweighs her desire to own a house. If however this is not the case, then it is a deficiency from her end and something she needs to work on.

Many men feel intimidated when their partner is in a better financial state then they are. Do not feel this way. You have just as much value to bring to the relationship then she does.

At the moment, although prices of house are lower then they have been, they are still declining and it is not a good time to buy. Many agents will have you believe that it is a good time to buy as obviously it is better for them, however, this is not that case at the moment. You may find living in a rental property for a year will save you much more in the long run.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Damien,

Although the advice given here is helpful, I do seem to sense where your anxiety is coming from. What I feel you need to do is talk to your partner properly, explain to her how you feel about getting a property. Let her understand your standpoint in the situation, the whole reason for this is that way, if she fully understands and agrees with you on things, she can intervene and communicate with her family on your behalf, removing that worry from your shoulders. If finance is an issue, all you need to do is explain that it is not an impossibility of buying a property, just that you want to make sure you are secure with her financially so you can save and be in a better position, and that would only help keep the pressure of financial stability off a future with her.

Basically you just need her to fully understand what your plans are, push aside outside influence such as her family (but dont disregard it either, be respectful of course of their ways) but instead just find some sort of agreement and put a plan into effect with her that can satisfy all around. If she is truly on board with you, and can know and agree to your intentions, then she will stand up for you against her family which will help reduce the pressure, you have to remember, she speaks her family's language, something worth taking into account to help you.

The Key is to be able to work as a team, as that is what marriage becomes, team work (well one part of it) so it will only strengthen your bond with your partner,

I hope this helps


Community Member


Just checking up to see your progress? Hope things are working out for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

We have separated since we couldn't agree on things moving forward.