NEEDING SOME ADVICE

[helpwanted1987]

I am 31 years old I am a mother of 8 and have been married for 14 years.

I am needing some help on what to do......so here is the story

we have been married for 14 years through out this marriage I have suffered some physical abuse however have not now for about 1 year however emotional abuse every day since marriage up until now.

mind you I cook clean washing take care of all my children showers baths clothing changing nappies all by my self

get kids ready for school pick up and drop them all off.

Also get husband ready for work early hours of the morning make him lunch dinner coffees and buy stupid alcohol.

I am getting to the point where I have had enough I want a life with my children only but I don't know how to leave

am scared and worried about leaving.

worried about needing a house for my children I want to take all my household stuff with us.

scared if I don't have enough support that I will feel like I need to come back to him.

I don't have any friends because I am not allowed I don't have my family support because I choose my husband over my family.

I do everything for his family.

he has worked on and off moving from job to job. I have worked over the years and juggled him and kids for a long time but its the abuse and the alcohol I need to get away from.

please need support and advice please

regards

[Summer Rose]

Hi Helpwanted

Just read your post and have to say, well done.

You have done an amazing job getting things organised this far. For what it's worth, I think you're wise to wait another week to get your housing in order.

Perhaps there is now time to think about the actual moving day and the logistics of it all. I'm thinking about how you transport all of the children at once, ensuring groceries and necessities are on hand, etc. I really liked Mary's suggestion of asking for help/support/protection from your local police. You could also talk with the police about what to do if your husband and/or his family pressure or bother you once you've left.

If you have a community legal aid office near by it might to pop in at some stage and see if they can help you too. I'm thinking of the potential future child custody, financial and property issues that might exist.

You are doing great. Kind thoughts to you

[helpwanted1987]

just a quick question any one know how to raise some money for these situations.

I made a go fund me page however I can not link it to the facebook because of him and his family.

any one have any other suggestions how else to share this

regards

[Summer Rose]

Hi Helpwanted

Tricky question given the need for secrecy.

Suggest you speak with your local MP. He/she may have access to funds or know where to get them in a situation like this.

You could also talk to the principal at your children's school. Maybe the school could fund raise while protecting your anonymity.

Maybe you could think about the go fund me page after you're settled. At that stage you can block people you no longer want on your page.

[helpwanted1987]

good morning every one,

ok so yesterday I posted about how things were going so far....

Guess I was very overwelled about all the information I was getting in regards to getting assistance about getting away.

I guess I was in the wrong.

The centrelink part I have got covered once I leave here.

The removalist I have assistance in that part from salvation army they just need a date and time.

In regards to the house, not much hope there.

A lady from my local vinnies was assisting me with applying for a house for my children for now maybe transitional housing for now.

However I filled out all the relevant forms and done as she asked answered all questions over the phone.

I stressed to her how I was hoping to leave to day as he is not here between 9 - 5 today.

That would be enough time to get things all done.

However after emailing back anf forth yesterday filling out application after application her last question to me after 6pm yesterday was SO WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU JADE ?

ARE YOU AND THE CHILDREN STILL SAFE SOMEONE WILL BE IN TOUCH WITH YOU OVER THE WEEKEND TO SEE IF YOU AND CHILDREN ARE OK.

Wow I was shocked but also sad by these questions because I was ready to finally make the move.

I did mention to her about maybe not leaving yet until I was able to get a property and I mentioned this in my preious post.\

However she suggested that I fill out all the relevant applications so she could start making some phones calls and assisting us sooner then later.

I was happy excited yesterday to know that we might be out of here soon but its now like my hope is fading away.

I don't know what to do sometimes I feel like just taking the children leave everything and just get out.

but unfortunately I cant.

I do have a question for anyone who could answer.

if I was just to leave with the children today as he is not home and go in to emergency accommodation for now.

Can I go to the local police and have them come back here with the removalist to remove all of mine and childrens stuff?

Am I a bad person if I get the police involved?

I am scared to do that and I feel like I am doing the wrong thing if I do

please could someone answer that question

regards

[jess334]

Hi again,

Sorry I haven't been in touch over the last few days. It sounds like you have done a great job or organising everything. Well done.

I do not know if the police will do that. I think they should - but you may want to confirm with them before you leave everything there. I definitely do not think it makes you a bad person. You need to do what you can to ensure safety for you and the kids.

You are doing amazingly though, it might feel overwhelming at times, especially when other people you thought would help let you down, but you are doing exactly the right things.

Always here to listen

Jess

[White_Rose]

Hello HW

Sorry I have not been able to post for a few days. I have been a little unwell.

I have to say you are organising yourself very well. Please stay an extra couple of days to make sure you have all the basics covered. Being on the streets because something has not worked out would be dreadful.

Did you contact the Domestic Violence people in your state? Also the Women's Legal Service. The DV people may be able to get you into a women's refuge until you get your accommodation sorted and you will be safe. Once you have left you can put all the other steps in place without feeling pressured or unsafe.

I wonder if you can put all your belonging in storage somewhere. I know there are costs with a storage company but can you leave your possessions with someone, such as in their garage or someone with a large shed? I would worry about your belongings being damaged before you went back to claim them. Also I understand that you can get an order to collect your goods with police assistance, but I am really unsure about this. If you talk to someone from the Women's Legal Service this is the sort of thing you can find out.

So frustrating about the person from Vinnies. It seems she completely missed the point. Are there any other agencies near by that could help you? I understood you were going to ask Anglicare but perhaps that's not an option. I know they have safe accommodation in Brisbane but that may not help you.

You are so close to leaving and I can understand how difficult it is waiting to get these last details organised. Please wait until you have accommodation, just a few days longer.

Mary

[geoff]

Hello 87, the police will go there if you believe you are going to be harmed, especially if any reports have been made to them before, otherwise if there are any altercations while moving out then you can ring them.

That doesn't make you a bad person at all.

Inquire to the principal at school whether you could ask about donations or perhaps having a raffle for you, it's for a good cause.

Geoff.

[jess334]

Hi HW,

Just a quick response to your police question. I spoke to a friend who used to be a policeman - he said that the Police will likely not assist you to remove your property unless you have a court order against your ex (i.e. a domestic violence order etc). He explained that this is because without the order they cannot confirm that the property is yours.

However as Geoff said - if there is violence at the time - you can call them and they will come to assist.

As Mary stated the Women's Legal Services can assist you with getting an order in place if this is something you think you need.

regards, Jess

[helpwanted1987]

Hi everyone,

Quick update so I am still stuck here in the same place.

I do have some updates I have applied for 3 private rentals I am waiting to here from the owners.

The real estate has helped me have the application processed first and they will speak to the owners about my situation. Depending on what the owners say I will then view the properties and pick which one I would like.

Which is good because you need to view before they can process the application however the real estate agent was willing to help.

Second I contacted my parents and they are supporting me 100%. They want me to move closer to them so they can help and support me and my children. However I do have an issue where they live he and his friends and family live basically every where you could think of so that makes it hard.

I was going south coast a place I know but know one he knows and the last place he would think about.

So what do I do?

If I move closer I am risking being found if I put my kids in school they could be recognized by other kids who they already know from his family. All the time I will be watching my back and being scared we could be found.

Or do I move far away where we can have a normal life.where I can take my kids out to the movies go shopping go to the beach just have fun and my kids can go to school we can do anything and not worry.

I want to rebuild the relationship with my family that I have missed out all the years I want them to meet my children and have a close relationship with them.

My mum has early signs of arthritis so she can only travel so far in the car.

She is accepting any decision I make and she has said that she always believed that the more my children grew up the more I would want to leave and have my own life with my children.

She is right that is what I want and I am being patient.

Vinnie at this stage might have a transitional housing option for us in Hornsby which again is quite close to him.

It would be cheaper for me to live in housing because of the children and being a single mother however I would like my house to be nice and suitable for my children and in a nice area for my kids which is why I chose private rent.

However you can always make a home nice and homely.

But please give me some advice and what decision I should make

Am I making the right decision by moving far away or should I move closer?

Can't wait to here everyone's advice

Regards

[Summer Rose]

Hi Helpwanted

I know you need the support of your family but my gut tells me it's better for you not to be close to your husband's friends and family. Word of where you are living will travel to him fast. I'm also worried that once you leave your husband may also choose to move back home to be closer to his family and you could end up way too close. It's not like you can be friends with him. Once you leave I believe you need to refuse future contact with him.

If it was me, I would look for a location 1-2 hours away from your family. Your mum could always take a bus or train to visit you if she can't drive. And given travelling is hard on her, maybe she could stay for a period of time (like a week at a time). She will get to know your children very well and be a big help to you while she's there. Or you and mum could pick a place in the middle to catch up with the kids, even a Maccas where you can talk and the kids can play or a swimming pool or play centre. It's not perfect but it will be better than what you have at present.

I don't think it matters whether you rent privately or move into government housing. You will make wherever you are home. Home is where you and the children are safe.

Kind thoughts to you