Need help with adult sons depression
I need some advice to help me with my adult son who has depression and anxiety. He has been under the care of a psychiatrist for about 4 yrs, but he just seems to keep giving him more tablets and these just make him sleepy but don't seem to make him feel better. He seems to be worse lately and that could be partly due to me moving on with a new relationship after my husband passed away ( that was not my sons father) He constantly texts me and tells me he is not coping and he is going to end it all. I think in the past I have enabled his behaviour when i think i have been trying to help him. I am always trying to 'fix' things for him and make him feel better. now it seems to have got to a point where i cant do or say anything to help him but he still keeps texting me and calling me. I feel like I need to toughen up and give a bit of 'tough love' but have no idea whether that is the right thing to do. any suggestions would be great. he has been to therapy, had ECT therapy, been to a psychologist that he wouldn't talk to. he does take his tablets, but he also uses drugs and dope to make him 'feel better'.
HI sadmum63 and welcome to the BB forums. I am glad you have come to vent and to ask for advice regarding your son. I myself am 25 and my parents have helped and support me through the journey. I can tell you they didn't always have an easy time of trying to help me. It is also sometimes hard for me to tell my parents the whole story because I don't want them to worry about their child. I don't want to put too much on them. I also sometimes blurt out some things and tell them more than I wanted to.
To help someone sometimes all they need you to do is listen and show understanding as to how they feel and to acknowledge their feelings. He maybe struggling with you moving on into a new relationship, but if wants to talk about it just reassure him that you still love him the same, but you need a loving romantic relationship, he should be able to see that this is something everyone wants in life. I think you are right in some sense saying you should show him 'tough love'. He needs to want to get better. He needs to trust his doctors and tell them the wholes story (including illegal drug use). As you said if he doesn't click with his psychologist and psychiatrist maybe he could go find another one and get a second opinion. He needs to want to get help and to at least attempt to adhere to their medication advice. I think listening to him and encouraging him to trust his psych and talk to them is all you can do. You can't put it all on yourself. He is an adult who needs to be able to try help himself.
Hope some of this makes sense and helps reassure you.