Don't feel cared about.

[HopeForAll]

so here's the thing, I don't feel cared about by family or friends. I moved to the Gold Coast from Sydney after 19 years of living there; therefore everything I've ever known till now is another state away. Any communication is via phone call, texts etc.

I had always felt like a bit of an outsider with my family and never felt like I belonged. Me and my mother do not speak at all due to her not being healthy for my mental state of mind. My dad has another family and is a bit of a workaholic, so he never has a lot of time for me. My sister is busy with her family, and so on with numerous family members.

I seem to always make the first contact, I call and message constantly and it never seems to be the other way around. It really hurts me because the only person who rings my phone is my partner, and my nan occasionally to see how I am, other then that, I don't feel like I'm even given a second thought.

In regards to friends, I'm still trying to create myself and figure out who I am etc. So I'm saying that, I don't feel confident when trying to make friends. And i feel embarrassed to say that, I'm almost 21 and I'm still using the term 'making friends'. But the friends I have made here are all from work, and again, they don't seem to text or even call me first. I just don't understand why everyone does this? Am I honestly not special to people or make an impact on anyone?

i just feel really alone and not cared about.

[james1]

Hello HopeForAll,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting here.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling really alone and not cared about. I hope you can find what you are looking for here because we want you to feel comfortable coming here whenever you feel you need to or want to.

I haven't been through the experience of moving, but I have had similar family issues to what you've described, and also going through similar identity issues with your friends. I'm 25 now and, yes, it is embarrassing to still talk about making friends, as I don't really have any.

One way I try to make friends is through meet up groups. I've never been good at making friends with my friends' friends. I don't know why. I'm not good around big groups where people are already familiar. So I've tried to go to different hobby groups and things.

Have you got any hobbies or sports you enjoy, where you've tried this?

James

[White_Rose]

Hello Hope For All

Welcome to the forum where I hope you can make friends with everyone here. True we are virtual friends but you can tell us all sorts of things and we will not be upset. Give it a try. We care for everyone.

The term 'making friends' applies to all ages. Work colleagues are sort of friends because you need to get on with each other, but mostly people go home and live another life. I have been friends with people I work with and I have enjoyed this but I also have friends who have nothing to do with work.

James has made a good point about any hobbies or activities you enjoy. I have volunteer jobs which I have time for now that I have retired. I get on well with those I meet but we do not engage after work. I am part of a meditation group and I call those folk my friends. Similarly a group of women who meet regularly at my home as a study group. I have met people at my church who I only see out of church as we attend different services. It's all out there so go and explore.

What work do you do? It must be a good job to make you relocate from Sydney. I also live in Qld and jolly cold it is at the moment. Before I retired I was in the public service. Enjoyed my job very much.

It's not that people don't want to talk with you so do not send texts or phone you. I hope you will excuse me when I say it's high school students and some uni students that text each other constantly. Once you hit your 20s most people are too busy to spend lots of time texting. It's not personal.

When you meet someone whose company you enjoy ask what they do outside of work. They may be involved in something really interesting and if you show interest you may be invited to attend. That's the beginning of friendships. You have now entered a different world where the previous ways of keeping in contact are not the same.

You said you had a partner. Does she/he live with you? I imagine you send each other texts frequently. I hope you will get back to us and continue chatting.

Mary