Need advice 😓
I’m just wanting outside opinions on a situation I am currently involved in.
A close friend of mine has recently become engaged and has honored me by asking me to be a bridesmaid. I was over whelmed and excited and of course said yes, I mean it’s an amazing thing to be a part of. But here is the issue. This friend and I met through my sister, they were best friends in highschool and I would hang around with them at sleep overs etc.. they’ve had a rocky relationship and we’re constantly on and off but me wanting to keep the peace I stayed in contact with both. I’m close with my sister and I’m also close with this friend. This Friend has helped me in many ways emotionally and Mentally. I don’t want to upset anyone with my decision on saying yes or having to decline being a bridesmaid but I asked my mum for her opinion and felt judged and lectured. She thinks it’s wrong I was asked in the first place and basically told me I needed to chose a relationship over the matter at hand and said if it were her and this was her decision no way would she accept.I asked her how do I bring this up with my sister and what’s the right way to go about it then? She couldn’t answer. I in no way want to disrespect my sister, but I do feel this will probably hurt her.
My anxiety has been sky high with thinking about the right path to take, i don’t know what’s right or wrong in this situation and it’s really keeping me up at night. How do I talk to my sister about this? Do I bring this up with my friend and explain my concerns? I’m feeling confused and scared as to what the outcomes will be because either way I feel like my relationship with my sister or with my friend won’t be the same.
I would love a strangers point of view on this. Please any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you.
This is a tough one and I really feel for you. Divided loyalties can really mess with our head sometimes.
I believe, if I was in this situation, I would speak with my sister. Keeping in mind that I would expect my sister to be reasonable (provide me with valid reason as to why she may not be in favour of me being in the bridal party), I imagine the conversation may go a little like this:
'____ is getting married in (insert month). I am dealing with incredible conflict at the moment because she has asked me to be a bridesmaid. The conflict relates to how much I care about the both of you and how my decision, either way, may impact one of you. I want you to be honest with me and tell me how you feel about this. How you feel matters to me and this is why I've come to you.'
All relationships are challenged now and then and this seems to involve one of those challenges. I believe you will be challenging your sister to put her emotions aside and give you her blessing. She either will or won't accept the challenge. In regard to your friend, the same can be said if you end up declining the invitation. If you do end up declining, she will be challenged to accept how you feel given the situation you're in. It is reasonable that they both be expected to consider you, as opposed to reacting to each other.
Sometimes it pays to ask our self what it is we are being challenged to do in a particular situation. Putting the words 'I accept' in front of the following may help shed some light on finding the best way forward:
- the challenge in considering the feelings of others
- the challenge in speaking freely about my own feelings in relation to the matter
- the challenge in putting to rest my own inner conflict
- the challenge that leads me to demand that I be treated with compassion, consideration and respect
So, it seems there are challenges all 'round. Typically, once a conflict (2 or more opposing thoughts) ceases there is a sense of peace and we can move on beyond that internal battlefield of thoughts.
Take care of yourself Shellyem and I hope everything works out in your favour