Narcissistic family members

[Flowergirl97]

Hi everyone,

I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my sibling has been extra stressed recently and has obviously been taking issues out on me (getting angry at me about normally insignificant things that aren’t my fault and insulting me). And this got me curious and wondering WHY is this happening. WHY would my sibling take issues out on me? 
So I did what most people do when they are curious about something, I googled it. And in my reading, narcissism came up as a reoccurring theme. 
I have been aware that my sibling lacks empathy towards me for a long time, but it has come as a big shock to realise- oh this has actually been an ongoing experience in my life- of my sibling belittling me, insults, telling lies, manipulating me, changing an opinion, anger when they don’t get their own way, expecting me to do things for them. 100s of experiences I have had with them have flooded back into my brain and it is concerning. I knew one of my parents was similar due to more recent experiences of manipulation, selfishness, and lies from them, but now my sibling as well?
If anyone out there has a similar family dynamic, how have you coped? What have you done to prevent being manipulated?
How did you realise your family member was like this? 
Or is there any advice you can give me? 

[BlueLily]

Hi Flowergirl97,

Welcome back to the forum. Sorry to hear you are going though depression and anxiety while dealing with your possibly narcissist family members.

I haven't experienced this myself but my best friend from school has. While she was in school, her brother used to ill treat her all the time and avoid hanging out with her. She felt very upset and didn't understand her brother's behaviour at the time. But years later she realised that her dad had been showing favouritism to her while neglecting her brother hence why he was hurt and taking it out on my friend all the time. After realising that she felt sad and was so much more patient and reasonable with her brother. This lead to them to reconcile past issues and now have a better relationship. 

There may be something underlying that causes her to feel insecure to an extend that she feels the need to manipulate you. Belittling, lying, getting angry, all these things show that she's struggling with her own emotions. I read in one of your previous posts that your parents decided to divorce. Typically this could impact elder siblings so much harder compared to younger siblings in my own experience. 

Hope my friend's experience provide you some insight. Please keep writing and take care...