My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together

[Leth]

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feeling.

I needed to come here and put out how I'm feeling about the whole situation as well, from an older brothers point of view, but to be honest, I don't even know where to start.

My brother, with the biggest warmest heart, with physical and mental heath issues, developed an ice addiction, he neglected his health and in the last year, my mum and I have done nothing but tried our damn hardest to help him, both professionally, personally, financially, the whole lot.

He got himself into a fair bit of trouble about a year ago, and in lead up to his sentence, his smoking of ice increased, as did his lies, and everything was spiralling out of control for him and everyone around him. I left my well payed job to be more closer to my mum and brother in need.

The whole process has been so stressful, and it's been so hard to now see my brother get taken away. He's such a vulnerable person, a "gentle giant", who without pointing the figure, influenced to trying ice, became hooked and majorly lost his way. His bedroom became his haven, he never left it, and my poor mother who became so submissive to his behaviour, did her best to care for him while he was in the darkest time in his life.

I'm feeling fragile.

I'm finding myself withdrawing. Having a hard time sleeping, and when I do, I instantly wake up with a cracking head ache. I start crying at unpredictable times, I've somewhat distanced myself from my boyfriend, I have my mum staying with me until she's going to be ok living alone.

My brother has left behind some financial stress, and I'm left to now collect the pieces, to cancel his accounts, and to work out a ways to pay back all these "Afterpay" type transactions he's made over the last several months on top if fine reminders in the mail.

The whole thing is just hard, but there's that glimmer that this is perhaps that divine intervention that he's needed, as nothing I or my mum did worked.

I've been seeing an amazing psychologist for since this all began about a year ago, my GP has suggested I get on anti depressants which I'm almost contemplating.

Are there any other siblings out there who's maybe been in my shoes who might be able to give me some advice? I'd appreciate it immensely.

[Doolhof]

Hi Mrs. AK,

Thanks for getting back to us. It certainly does sound like a hard way for your son to learn a lesson, it seems like he is trying to make the most of his time in jail, so that has to be beneficial.

Hopefully he will learn what is important in life and will receive the help and advice he needs to make changes for the positive.

How are you coping? Have you found you have been able to tell people what has occurred? Are people supportive if you have told them? For me, the thing is, this could so easily happen to anyone. It only takes one moment of a mistake to lead to such a path.

You must have many mixed emotions. Like you write, your son is still alive! May you form a stronger bond and may communication be open between you both.

Wishing you and your son well, cheers from Dools

[Leth]

Hii it's been a while since I've written on this post.

It was brought to my attention today that my brother was involved in some sort of physical violence from another inmate that caused my brother to be rushed to hospital.

my brother is extremely distressed and expressed how fearful he is for his life.

This also put both my mother and myself in an enormous amount of stress today, and the sense of helplessness washed over the both of us.

My brother was transferred to a different correctional centre where they were able to offer him more extensive psycholgical help, however it seems he's having a worse time there than he was at the prior location.

i understand my brother is an "adult", although with his mental conditions he probably doesn't entirety cope like an adult, I was wondering if anyone knew if the prison system is obliged to contact the next of kin in cases like this?

Or am I able to make an appointment to speak to somebody at the centre to obtain more information on what happened.

I would really appreciate any help.

[Croix]

Dear Leth~

If I remember your brother is in Victoria. I think that the Corrections Victoria Commissioner's Requirements include a clause that says in the event that a prisoner is seriously ill or injured, there is a responsibility to notify the prisoner’s emergency contact and/or next of kin.

However this information is several years old, and in any case may not be accurate.

I would follow your feeling and contact the facility concerned and ask advice both about what has happened and future arrangements.

As you say it is an extremely worrying time for you and your mum. I guess you both really need support yourselves. Being in a situation where your options are so very limited is a huge stress. It is natural to feel frustrated and even guilty under the circumstances and I'm happy you have decent medical support to help you keep things in perspective.

It would be good if you could let us know how you go

Croix

[Guest_7403]

They won't contact you for something like injuries obtained from an assault, even if he did go to hospital.

They usually contact next of kin for serious injuries, stabbings, heart attacks etc

In terms of contacting them to speak to someone about his placement and mental state they won't meet with you.

Corrections sentence management team will move him jails, change his status, separate him from other prisoners in order to protect him, what he says will have little impact on what they do with him.

Corrections invest alot of money into mental health physicians (forensicare) and health care and they put the onus on them to medically treat him inside the jail, they won't reach out for some 3rd party input

I'm assuming your brother has been put on "the dog" once they lag and move jails the other prisoners know it and find out why...I can only assume this is the case. If he isn't separated indefinitely I'd dare guess threats and assaults would be quite common for him.

Prisoners are very good at doing this outside of staff view, so staff wouldn't be aware unless they seen facial injuries or your brother tells them

How long has his sentence got to go?

Do you know what jail he's at now? Ppp, ravenhall or me?

Sorry if I sounded blunt but I didn't want to give you too much hope on direct contact with corrections in relation to his medical treatments

[Leth]

Hi Theborderline, it's warming to hear from you again.

youve try again have given me information I couldn't source anywhere else, so thank you.

Coukd you elaborate more on "the dog"?

hes currently RH.

[Guest_7403]

Prisoners have there own set of rules and guidelines they adhere too.

Being put on the dog is as low as it gets to them. Prisoner on prisoner assaults occur everyday, most are unknown and not recorded.

Basically being put on the dog is the same as being called a rat, or a lagger and no better then the officers that manage them.

My assumption is your brother had a debt, annoyed someone or some other prisoner politics that to us seem trivial but to them is a big deal.

The fact he has been moved to a remand/sentence facility would highlight him to the other prisoners, as they would question him as too why a sentenced prisoner would be moved to a higher rated facility...story get out and he's back at square one

The other issue is that all the prisoners know each other, they network and having access to write letters and send them between prisons for free enables them to pass information around about others.

I'm guessing by your comments about the problem being worse now, suggests word has gotten out

Unfortunately there's not much he can do about it, just cop it sweet and try and push through....focus on working and making new friends

Officers aren't privy to this side, we only see the end result....trip to the hospital, or bruises etc

As awful as it sounds there's really not alot officers can do to help, there's only so many times he be moved before they run out of options and he goes to long term management (23hr lock down with no access to others) but that is not a way too live and eventually breaks even the hardest criminals.

I wouldn't suggest protection, as the name suggests it's protection for sex offenders from mainstream...but those guys are just as bad and the same daily assaults happen there

I do sympathise with you, but ultimately he is in there for a reason. And hopefully it's the best thing that'll happen to him in that he will change his ways once released

[Croix]

Dear Theborderline~

I wanted to thank you for your realistic picture of matters inside, it is a real help to have someone with the right experience able and willing to say how things actually are, a very necessary things. I'm sure there will be other viewers apart from Leth who benefit.

Thanks

Croix

[Leth]

Hi Theborderline, thank you again for a detailed response.

Again, you've given me the tools to understand the situation much more clearly, as as you can imagine, hearing him extremely distressed on the phone full of emotion and "fear for his life", it can be extremely hard to understand everything factually.

What sort of advice could I offer him in a letter or when he next calls?

How does one who's looking for comfort find the right "friend" in there? It makes sense that perhaps it may look like "lagging" to the CO's but it seems he's trying to find a friend with officers, and thus looks to others like a "dog", but I guess I'll never really know what is actually happening in there.

Its just a very hard situation, and helplessness is all I feel.

[Guest_7403]

It's alright to be polite to staff and follow there directions but I wouldn't be looking to them for friendship, it wouldn't go down well with the other prisoners

Best advice is to find employment within the jail and try build that work commradery with other prisoners. Maybe find some prisoners in his unit that are more like he is and start working where they do.

Maybe a smaller workplace like horticulture or timber? I'm not sure what they have in rh but they usually have those

[Guest_7403]

No problems.

I've been in the system long enough to have worked with both prisoners and family so I have seen both sides