My son wont go to school

[radiojammer]

Hi, I have a 17 year old son who sleeps in a lot and refuses to go to school even though he's doing his final year. I've tried to make him aware of the importance of attending class so he can pass his exams and he says he wants to pass but he's making no (apparent) effort. I've been to parent/teacher interviews and the teachers say as long as he does his work and attends class he will pass. They have been supportive. I've tried not to pressure my son and have said I just want him to pass, not worry about getting high marks. He shows no interest in what he wants to do when he finishes school and won't make an appointment to see the careers advisor. He refuses to take on a trade apprenticeship and hasn't attended any of the careers evenings at the school.

He saw a psychologist earlier on in the year for 10 sessions and is on anti depressants. He also has Crohn's Disease for which he is receiving treatment. His disease is in remission so it shouldn't affect his schoolwork although he's had time off because of illnesses caught because he's on immuno-suppressants and tending to pick up illnesses easily.

I am suffering bad anxiety as a result of the stress. I am on anti anxiety tablets to try and control it, but dont have an anxiety disorder. My husband isn't supportive of me and says that worrying will get me nowhere, but he can't come up with any useful suggestions as to what we can do about our son. I would be happy if my son took a gap year next year and got a job, however he shows no interest in getting work other than a low-paying job he already has as a pharmaceutical delivery boy. He sleeps most of the day and gets up late afternoons, eats then socialises with his friends on the weekends.

I don't have a supportive family and my daughter wants to leave home because she says we are in an unhappy environment and she's sick of me yelling at my son to get up out of bed. I try not to yell at him but sometimes I do. I've tried to talk calmly to him but he just clams up and wont discuss anything with me. He is totally uncooperative no matter what I say to him. He used to play sports but he's given them up, now he sits on the computer, lies in bed or socialises.

I wish there was a strong male mentor around for my son but there is noone. He says there's no way he's prepared to repeat school next year yet if he doesnt get an Atar score he'll have scant chance of getting into any sort of decent course. Worried sick.

[Wednesday]

Hi Sue,

Where are you going for 5 weeks, what a fun thing to plan, I'm proud of you!

Interesting what you say about your son. Do you think maybe he knows he can get around you?Or that maybe you have developed a bit of a pattern being concerned about him that he is enjoying. Oh dear I hope that didn't sound harsh. I twas thinking about human nature and mums and sons. My daughter always though I gave in to her brother more than her. I'm not sure that is right but I'm probably not the best judge either.

You are doing well. Don't forget there is the BB call line 1300 22 4636, if you want to chat.

Hugs, xx

[radiojammer]

Sorry ive taken so long to reply Wednesday but i tried to key in my answer to you only to find my post wouldnt go through. My son has now finished school and says he'll pass the year even though he chickened out of sitting his exams. I was not happy he did that! He seems to think he has it all worked out and has applied to do a Tafe course next year. I hope he doesnt lie in bed next year for half the time instead of going to his course like he did with school this year! Cant take another year like this one has been with my son. Guess Im feeling marginally better than a couple of weeks ago though im still petrified of not getting enough work as i now have a debt to pay off for the fixing of my car. With Christmas coming up, this is the last thing i needed! I also have to pay car rego straight after Christmas which is not easy. I used to love Christmas but not anymore, it is terribly stressful for me financially and is something i just want to blow over. I try to do things to give myself a boost. Last night my husband revealed his plans to go overseas next yr for a 3 week holiday and i told him im going on a tour of Scandinavia. Such a strange marriage we have where it turns out we're going overseas during the same month but not together. One day if i can ever afford to ill divorce him but its definitely the right time now. I fear I couldn't handle my difficult son by myself and hed go off the rails. Hope things are better for you than they were a couple of weeks ago. Hugs, Sue

[Wednesday]

Hi Sue,

My that is pretty impressive that you son can pass school without sitting exams. He must have gained some good marks on his school work. In which case he is sounding bored at school. I hope he is accepted into TAFE, I don't think they will be quite as easy on him as the school system, which may take the weight of your shoulders.

Yes it is odd that you an your husband are planning to do the same things but separately. It's more like you are house mates. You may have told me, when does your son turn 18? Maybe its time to see what it is like to live in a share house for real. Fabulous learning experience for him, house mates don't put up with any nonsense. I growing experience maybe. And as his mum (and maybe hopefully his dad too) you'll be there when he falls over to point him back in the right direction. Sometimes it takes tough love.

It sounds like your media are working, keep focusing on you, this is your time to look after you and bit by bit you are getting there.

I'm okay today, but every day differs, baby steps!

Hugs, xx