My son wont go to school

radiojammer · ‎29-08-2016

Hi, I have a 17 year old son who sleeps in a lot and refuses to go to school even though he's doing his final year. I've tried to make him aware of the importance of attending class so he can pass his exams and he says he wants to pass but he's making no (apparent) effort. I've been to parent/teacher interviews and the teachers say as long as he does his work and attends class he will pass. They have been supportive. I've tried not to pressure my son and have said I just want him to pass, not worry about getting high marks. He shows no interest in what he wants to do when he finishes school and won't make an appointment to see the careers advisor. He refuses to take on a trade apprenticeship and hasn't attended any of the careers evenings at the school.

He saw a psychologist earlier on in the year for 10 sessions and is on anti depressants. He also has Crohn's Disease for which he is receiving treatment. His disease is in remission so it shouldn't affect his schoolwork although he's had time off because of illnesses caught because he's on immuno-suppressants and tending to pick up illnesses easily.

I am suffering bad anxiety as a result of the stress. I am on anti anxiety tablets to try and control it, but dont have an anxiety disorder. My husband isn't supportive of me and says that worrying will get me nowhere, but he can't come up with any useful suggestions as to what we can do about our son. I would be happy if my son took a gap year next year and got a job, however he shows no interest in getting work other than a low-paying job he already has as a pharmaceutical delivery boy. He sleeps most of the day and gets up late afternoons, eats then socialises with his friends on the weekends.

I don't have a supportive family and my daughter wants to leave home because she says we are in an unhappy environment and she's sick of me yelling at my son to get up out of bed. I try not to yell at him but sometimes I do. I've tried to talk calmly to him but he just clams up and wont discuss anything with me. He is totally uncooperative no matter what I say to him. He used to play sports but he's given them up, now he sits on the computer, lies in bed or socialises.

I wish there was a strong male mentor around for my son but there is noone. He says there's no way he's prepared to repeat school next year yet if he doesnt get an Atar score he'll have scant chance of getting into any sort of decent course. Worried sick.

radiojammer · ‎16-09-2016

Thanks Wednesday. I have heard of Headspace and will consider this for my son though at the moment I dont want him to dwell too much on himself but just get him through the rest of the year. If I can talk to him about things I will but he's really hard to talk to and shuts me out.

I'm not on anti ds myself but if things keep going this way I'll have to consider going on them again. I really don't want to have to take them again because I don't feel they solve my problems. My gp has left the practice and I don't really have a gp I'm close to anymore, so I'll have to consider one of the other doctors at the practice I go to. It's just another one of the things that have gone wrong for me this year. Honestly, nothing has gone right!

I'm just going to have to battle through the rest of the year and hope that next year is better for me. My life is so boring and I don't know how to make it more interesting, I wake up every morning with nothing to look forward to. Meanwhile I'll keep trying to find some sort of support group if there's such a thing around.

Wednesday · ‎16-09-2016

Hi,

Of course you want you boy to feel okay. Teenagers are notoriously difficult to talk to, well, because their brain is not wired up quite right yet.

It's tough when your trusted doctor is no longer there, but there will be an other one. I really think a trip to the doctor for you is important. You may not need to battle through alone. You have had AD's before so you know they help. What about a counsellor to talk to on a mental heath plan, so much cheaper again this needs to go though a doctor.

It is hard to feel motivated when you are low and it's easy to self medicate, (guilty on that front). AD's wont solve your problems but will make it so much easier to work your way through your problems as your brain starts functioning differently.

I know you're keen on a support group but maybe any sort of group would be of use, at least you would be meeting people? As I mentioned before a walking group or something similar maybe? I know you have a plan to go to a crochet group, which is great.

Have you organised another catch up with your friend from the other day? How did you find the BB social area? Have you dropped into the BB cafe and chatted this will help as the people will get to know you?

I hope you have lovely weekend. I am feeling a bit better and am hoping to get out of the house for a coffee, fingers crossed.

radiojammer · ‎18-09-2016

Thanks for your support Wednesday. Glad you're feeling better, wish I could join you in a coffee. All I want is company and I cannot get that! I take myself off for a coffee every day even though I have no-one to talk to when I do so. My husband takes my daughters for coffee and never asks me to join them. If I'm still feeling this low in a few weeks then I'll have to go back onto anti ds. There'll be no way out of it. I'm sick of breaking down in tears, even when I'm out and driving or about to have a coffee. I wear dark glasses so no-one can see my red eyes! Who says you dont cry when you're depressed?

I havent had a chat yet in the BB cafe but intend to. It's hard finding the time or when no-one else is around so that I can relax. Every time I get onto the computer my husband comes and demands to use if himself. I went to see a movie last night with a friend which was good as I had company for a change. I haven't organised to see my friend again but will do so in a few weeks.

A walking group is a good idea and I need to find one that fits in with my working hours. Finding the right group is the hardest thing for me as I know these groups exist but I need them to be close to home.

I'm hoping to find something that will improve my life soon because I am just a miserable mess at the moment and dont feel that my life is worth living. Surely things have to get better for me sometime soon.

Thanks for your support.

Wednesday · ‎24-09-2016

Hi, sorry I haven't been around, ill again.

I still think you sound depressed, I haven't heard about the not crying when you are depressed, I defiantly cry, lots! How about making that doctors appointment. It is really far to hard to manage depression on your own. Our brains go a bit batty. Our thinking feels absolutely right to us though. It's not going to hurt to see a doctor it will take only a bit out of your day, what's to lose? Come on you can do it, I know you can. You're stronger than you think you are. No one needs to be a miserable mess.

x

radiojammer · ‎24-09-2016

Thanks Wednesday. Im sick of crying. I get through most of the day without doing so but it happens every evening or night whether i like it or not. Noone really notices cos i hide it well and dont want to be miserable all the time around my family but im not getting any better. Going to the doctor is a good idea although my usual gp left the practice recently and i dont know how good his replacement is. Nothing is going right in my life and im not exaggerating when i say that. I simply cannot bear my life most of the time. I guess if anti ds lift the way i feel then they would be of some help, though im at my wits end as to how i can improve my life when i have noone to share it with. Sorry you've been ill again and I hope youre feeling better. My son still isnt going to school and exams are fast approaching. All I do is worry and stress. Take care.

Wednesday · ‎24-09-2016

Please find a doctor quickly. I tend to go to female doctors. Over the last couple of weeks I've seen four different doctors male or female basically anyone that was available, and they were all fabulous. Tho I wasn't really delighted at them sending me to hospital.

You cant deal with your son feeling this way, it's a wonder you are getting out of bed each day!

I feel that you have a lot to lose at the moment if you don't go. Common make that appointment, or just turn up to your local surgery and urgent.

radiojammer · ‎02-11-2016

Hi Wednesday. I know you havent been well lately but i hope you're feeling better. Its hard for me to keep up with everyone in this group when its all i can do to get through each day. I am now on anti ds but they havent kicked in yet. Im feeling very low and still crying every day, this has been going on for 2 months now, and my counselling sessions have run out so i have no-one to talk to. Just no-one. My sons teacher rang today to tell me if he doesnt finish his music assignment by 11pm tomorrow night he will fail his VCE. I told him to get out of bed and finish his assignment but hes still in bed and its nearly 6pm! He told me his music exams were on tomorrow but his teacher told me they were on today so now he wont even get an ATAR and without that his choice of courses to get into next year are extremely limited. He said he doesnt care if he doesnt get a high ATAR because the course he wants to do doesnt need one but without an ATAR at all he probably wont get into this course anyway. He has made no effort to pass and just lies in bed all day. I am at my wits end and have no suppport from anybody, people just say let him fail and it's his problem, not mine. However i cannot bear the thought of him spending next year lying in bed like he has this year and he refuses to get off his backside and get a job. He's on anti depressants and has been for most of the year.

Wednesday · ‎03-11-2016

Hi,

Good work on getting the AD's they take a little while to kick in but hopefully you should see something happening shortly.

Oh dear as a mum I grieve for you. It's just horrid when you see your babies this way. It seems to me that he is clearly unwell. He may be on AD's but I'd have to question if they are working? Maybe a psychiatrist would be useful in this case to more accurately diagnose what is going on, maybe it isn't depression but something else. He's lucky to have you on his team. Can you get him back to the doctors?

I can't see how you can do anything about this years VCE results. If need be he can probably redo the year. I think the most useful and best thing you can do right now is get yourself back on track. Let the AD's kick in properly before you make any decisions.

Remember baby steps will get you there. Your son is still young he has time to recover from this. I was at my wits end with my son as he dropped out of one course after an other, but he finally found a course that was right for him and is now working in that field.

Baby steps you first.

Hugs, xx

Wednesday · ‎03-11-2016

PS. I know your husband and girls aren't usually helpful on this topic. But have they had anything to say on the matter that you think may be helpful?

radiojammer · ‎04-11-2016

Thanks for replying to me Wednesday. I know you have plenty of issues of your own so I do appreciate it. My son doesnt seem depressed and says his anti ds are working. It seems to me that hes just lazy and unmotivated. He has one exam to go on Monday so if he sits it he'll have only sat 2 out of 4 exams. He refuses to repeat the year next year but wants to do a course at Tafe. If he gets into it well and good. I hope he will motivate himself to do it. He motivates himself enough to do his pharmaceutical round to earn a bit of money, so he can motivate himself when he wants to. When he gets up out of bed he seems quite bright and not down at all. My daughters are sick and tired of me talking about my son and cant come up with anything helpful at all, and my husband is no support. Hopefully my son will mature enough in the future to do something useful with his life. We shouldnt have to support him in the future, indeed with my crummy low paying job i cant even support myself let alone him. Yes, i know anti ds take a while to kick in. Ive only been on them 3 weeks but aim to stay on them longer than i did last time. I am planning a 5 week trip next year to get away from it all. At least that will give me a break from the job i loathe so much which is what i need. In the meantime i have the stress of trying to save the money. Hopefully ill get some money back off tax! Hope you have had a goood week. Hugs, Sue