My son is in his mid 20s and doesn't have any friends

[Tears_on_my_Pillow]

This is my first ever post and I would appreciate any responses. I suffer from depression and find myself becoming increasingly anxious as I can see my son going down the same path. I have felt so alone and lonely for the majority of my life and it seems history is repeating itself. My son is in his mid 20s and doesn't have any friends. He has been diagnosed with social anxiety and finds it difficult to form friendships. Seeing him lonely all the time is killing me. He is very quiet and a non drinker. I don't know how to help him and this is affecting my mental health. The area we live in is regional and offers few opportunities for meeting others who are like minded and of a similar age.

I am concerned at how much this is affecting my health I seem to be conscious of his situation all of the time. My heart breaks from the loneliness I see in him. I feel like I am spiralling out of control.

[geoff]

Good morning Tears, I'm sorry to hear this, but the two of you are suffering from depression, because social anxiety falls under the category of depression, and whether or he has picked this up from you may or may not be the situation, that doesn't matter really, because it is what it is.
Is there any support available for him where you live being in a regional area, and if not how long does it take to get to a city/town where there is a chance for him as well as you to get professional help, because you haven't mentioned either of you taking any AD's, and I'm not saying that this is the magic cure, although sometimes it can be in conjunction with counselling.
Does he talk to people on facebook and does he have people who are his 'friends' or doesn't he bother with this.
Ideally help from a psychologist performing CBT is a good way for him to get over this hurdle, but this depends on how far away this is.
Is it possible for the two of you to go and have a coffee either sitting in your car in town to start off with, watching all the people move around, and when he is comfortable with this then move the car closer until you get to the stage of being able to walk around town, briefly to start off with and then lengthen the time being in town.
There are many 'if's and buts' for you to consider, but please get back to us. Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hello Tears

Welcome to the forums. Im sorry that you have to watch your son go this especially having depression yourself

My anxiety started in my 20's back in the 1980's and my mistake was not getting early medical help at the time because this condition can be reduced more successfully when its in its early stages.

Geoff has posted great tips above with his personal experience

It took me 13 years to really take my doctors seriously and seek super frequent counseling to reduce my anxiety. Because I left it for so long the symptoms (just for me) exacerbated unfortunately but the therapy did end up working

As you mentioned this would be having an effect on yourself as well. I still see my GP for my depression every weeks to get a 'fine tune' and adjust my mindset if I am becoming overwhelmed.

I really hope you can stick around the forums Tears. There are many gentle people that can be here for you

my kind thoughts for you and your son

Paul

[Neil_1]

Hi there TOP (Tears On Pillow);

See what I’ve done there … small things, you see.

I just thought I’d chip in here with something along the lines of what might be his interests/hobbies, etc? Any sport or physical activity that he might be able to participate in. Doing things like this, depending on whether he’s got an interest in this … could be a way for him to venture out. Even if it might be going out for a walk, to start off with?

Ps: not only for your son, but also for your own self as well … always a good thing to undertake, as it also helps greatly with our mental health issues.

Kind regards

Neil

[everythingsintense]

As a woman in her early 20's, who has no "real friends" I just want to check that your son is actually lonely. My mother has always tried to force me to go out to socialise and make friends. But honestly it took one bad friendship, and I am DEFINITELY happier without regular contact with others. My loneliness is small in comparison to the satisfaction that I am not being betrayed by people I trust.

On the contrary, if you son has expressed to you that he is lonely, I am very sorry that he feels that way. Perhaps he could try a local facebook groups or other online chats. I've heard they are a good way to form friendships an comfortability before face-to-face interactions. That way he will already know the person before having to socialise in public with them.