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My partners family is effecting my relationship with myself and my partner.

Community Member
My partner and I have been together for over 3 years we are 18/21. My boyfriend has 4 older sisters and a very conservative mother who is very much still in the old way of living (homemaker, cooking and not paying the bills, women cant do things mindset). Last year his father died unexpectedly. Since then i have done months of shopping for them every weekend, cooking, laundry, lifts to and from airport, and basically lived with them for the better part of six months at 17 and my family wanted me home as well. They are clearly still hurting but now i am spending time with my family and my partner stays at mine half of the time as we have a dog together that his family calls "it" and are mean to, so now when we go to his house i feel like i cant take my dog without 4 women telling me off for our dog. They also make comments behind my back saying that i should be helping on thier property and be there more but I feel like I walk into a battlefield of judgement for people i have only ever loved and supported. I feel like they see me as "the person taking away their brother/son" but he is 21 and they are 25+. I am still in high school and work a lot and they make me feel that i am not good enough. I now feel sick whenever I go there and wait for the looks and the small comments they make about my family to what think is to deter us from leaving them. They have already lost a sister and daughter due to the mothers "disowning" of her same sex relationship, we are very close and she understands my feelings more then anyone and she has told me they will always expect more. I feel terrible for my boyfriend, I refuse to be the partner to "take" their boy away but we are in a relationship and i am only 18 and want to be with my family as well. I constanlty ask myslef and my boyfriend what could i have done better i don't feel good enough and he reassures me that i am perfect but its very hard walking into a house with all eyes on you for not being there every second of everyday.
10 Replies 10

Dear AtlantaGeorgia~

In any relationship it is important that each understands the other -at least some of the time:) I'm sure your partner will understand if you do not spend 50% of the time between his family and yours. It is only natural to want to spend less time in a hostile and judgemental environment. This is not your doing, it is theirs.

Unless you wish to devote your life to seeing to their needs now would seem a pretty good time to start to withdraw. I would not be surprise if this draws further friction, but I'd think the alternative - staying on and doing so much permanently without thanks - would be much worse.

Planning on uni and having a firm idea of what you would like to do in life is really excellent, and in fact I think many would envy your sense of purpose.

In the long term having an occupation you enjoy and feel is worthwhile can only help you and your partner. It is not selfish to look after yourself and make this come about. It is dealing properly with life.

I hope you manage to sort it out and it brings you and your partner closer