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Long distance relationship ended unexpectedly with no reason.

Community Member


3 weeks ago my long distance relationship ended. The last time I saw him was in March, I thought everything had been okay since then. Until he decided to end it with a call while he was at a bar hours from his house and when I was 2 hours away from training for my new job. I cannot seem to think positively and my anxiety has come back, no eating, no sleeping, waking in the middle of the night, feeling nauseous. He's a very honest man and I have asked if there is somebody else, but he continues to reassure me there isn't and I believe him.

I spent all day today in bed, finally being able to sleep but I just can't stop myself from crying. I have been okay up until the last week, it's almost like a delayed realisation that everything is over. I spent the first 2 weeks asking question after question, hoping for answers, asking him for another chance (even though I apparently did nothing wrong), and I've gotten nothing. So I have ceased all contact with him and tried to stay away from viewing his social media.

Friends have been supportive, but others have made me feel bad for talking about it and being so upset over it. I just feel like I'm falling down a black hole and it's getting harder and harder to get out of it. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? (also, we were planning on closing the distance at the end of this year)

Thank you,


2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi B. I'm sorry to hear what's happening to you, I'm basically in your position with a woman I had been seeing except it wasn't long distance. She broke it off citing life stress etc, now a few months later she's ready but started a relationship with someone else.

I don't think I can offer anything useful unfortunately, I'm struggling with this too - at least you're not alone. I'm trying to accept she's moved on, acknowledge that whatever she is doing I need space for my own good, and try to not predict the future - you just never know what is going to happen. You can't control his actions, just concentrate on yourself, and if you're feeling upset and need to talk then do it! Do what helps you cope, you do NOT want to end up in a situation where you completely lose it.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear B~

This is a heart-breaking situation, unexpected and not easily explained. When I've felt great grief I've bent the ear of everyone who would stay in range and kept on going, saying basically the same thing dressed up in different ways.

Those that do not understand or are surprised you are stuck simply have not been in the situation themselves, or have only had relationships that do not mean that much to them, and have neither patience not sympathy.

I agree there seems to be a pause, then it hits you and seems so long and deep and black - even surprising how hard it is.

I think you are wise not to follow him on social media and have finished contact. He may well be right in saying you have done nothing wrong. It is all too easy to blame oneself and see all sorts of possible shortcomings when there is no information to go on. All I can say is I doubt it is you. More likely a long distance relationship can suck people in, then they find they are not ready, but by that time someone is going to get hurt - sadly in this case it is you.

All I can offer to deal with this is what I did myself, bury myself in my work and other things that needed doing, trying to get out and exercise in surroundings that give pleasure (the dogs helped here), and try to pick up your social life (something you will not feel like doing).

If you can be with friends and family that helps too.

I can only speak for myself. I did not realy improve that much until I started to find another, fortunately for me that was not all that long (though it certainly seemed like it)

You write well and sound a sensitive and caring person with a whole lot to offer another. I am sure that your life will resume and this will simply be a horrible episode in the past.