My mother is a narcissist - will I be one too?

[AbbyAjax]

Hi, I am now discovering my mother may have been narcissistic,  I had an abusive step father.  I am now am now in my mid forties with two children.  my question is what are the traits of the children of  narcissistic parents?  How can I be a better person?  How can I deal with my mother if I see her in the street?  (she is not talking to me)

[JessF]

Hello AbbyAjax, how can I be a better person is a big question.  Sorry to reflect back with a question, but what makes you think you are not a good person to begin with? Are your relationships with your children strained?  Do you blame yourself for the relationship breaking down with your mother? 

[K8]

It has been my experience that some people exhibit signs of narcissism as they feel so out of control in an area of their life, that they start to take excessive control of an area that is under their influence, such as their appearance, or ego, etc in order to feel in control of themselves. Usually they dont even realise they are doing it.

This behavior could also represent a type of rebellion, when beauty or similar attribute is used as currency to buy affection or attention from others to stir up jealousy or controlling habits from another closer party.

Im not really suggesting you or your children may have these traits, merely that the act of narcissism isnt always a conscious one.