My man is depressed and has stopped communication
So in summary you both planned a life together plus your children but he has fallen into depression and needs space and time. This has left you in no mans land.
I think the level of contact you have maintained is reasonable and well within the boundaries of normal. I also think that his communication has been wanting regardless of his struggles. Failing to contact you when he says he will is not respectful and mental illness imo doesn't remove respect, it doesn't stop someone from returning a text. Respect for your mild anxiety is also a factor of mutual care.
This leaves a question no doubt you've thought of- how will he treat you or the relationship after he moved in? Will he go missing? Will his communication be the same (lack thereof)? Will he be compassionate to your needs and extra needs like that which anxiety delivers? So if he returns that is just the beginning. Thinking with your head will have to dominate your heart I'm afraid.
From a suspicious male viewpoint I'm concerned. I've known too many men that act like this and have other women on a string and I'm sorry that I'm mentioning it as it could upset you. You deserve answers and he has a responsibility to provide them as part of basic commitment and proving he is the incredible man you believe him to be.
I hope I'm wrong and if he returns to your life I'm hoping he sees things from your point of view and has empathy.
Finally, if he is to remain in your life he might want to consider sharing his professional help with you if you are permitted to participate. Too many relationships nowadays are not 100% committed...like entering a new life but wanting also their independence just outside the door- just in case. This is often a sign of insecurity.
At this time I'd personally no longer contact him. You have done all you can.
I hope it works out. Please repost anytime. We are here to help.
My dad was a workaholic and I have been as well. That is, I am working on that part. I am also a quiet person - at least when it comes to discussing my issues with my wife. Part of me cannot find the way to talk to her like I can with some other people. Perhaps it is cause I don't want to burden her with my problems as well. I guess what I am trying to say is that we can each respond differently to stress.
Except I wonder he might react to you if you asked him how he is feeling or what he is thinking about? Two questions I would ask my dad over a period of a year, during which he was able to open up and talk.
You are a kind and caring person. If you have not checked out the support section on the website, consider those questions above?
Wishing you both all the best.
The other consideration is whether the issues are irrational - at least for me. I know certain things should not get to me, but they do. And I would feel stupid having to explain it to my wife.
One thing I can tell you is that when my wife has sent a message to me when she knows I am down is actually helpful for me. I may get misty eyed but knowing someone important does care....
I hope it is the same for your partner.
It is a tricky situation when you are trying to work out how much communication is too much vs too little. From my own situation I know that having a distraction is helpful, and while a distraction might be a 5 minute game, it could also be a going out for coffee or dinner. Or perhaps if you or he cannot go out, for whatever reason, perhaps a night in could be good. Alternatively, you can also go out with your own friends to help distract you from your thoughts about what he might be doing. There are questions you can ask yourself about these thoughts, but will leave that for another time. You are doing all right things at the moment, but also show a little kindness to yourself as well.