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Could somebody please give me a name for this kind of person.

Community Member

Often complains they are not being treated with respect or that others are rude to them.

Will fly off the handle at the most minor of problems, or jump down another's throat when asked a basic question as if to convey a message to the effect of "don't disturb me"

Even if a problem is an accident (like, for example, dropping a dinner plate on the kitchen floor and breaking it) the person will be annoyed and make a fuss as if you dropped it on purpose.

Not making an effort to get on with their partners family and/ or friends to the point they will not attend important family events and you end up having to go alone.

Will run off after a disagreement and not talk to their partner , for sometimes for up to a week or more !. When asked are you ok, their response is usually "I'm fine, I just need my space"

When told about an issue you're facing with them, rather than take it on board, they will almost always come back with a similar thing that you've done to them. Like they have a pressing need to get even rather than deal with the issue raised.

Complains that you have a compulsive obsessive disorder for a certain life activity yet they also do it, probably more often than you do . For example, wife complains to husband that he is on his smart phone far too often but wife is the same and will often go to the extreme of picking up her phone and writing a text message while in the middle of eating a meal at a restaurant.
8 Replies 8

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Shockwave,

What I'm not understanding from your post is whether it is expressing a need to vent about issues or whether you're asking for a diagnosis of sorts for the behaviour described.

If it is the first, fair enough. A lot of the things you've described sound very frustrating and I'm sure others might have ideas of how to deal with these behaviours if they are upsetting you.

If you're seeking reasoning behind why they act this way I would be wary of asking for a diagnosis online especially for someone else. It is unlikely to be accurate.

A while ago White Knight posted a thread about the 16 personalities which I found very helpful as a tool to understand why my husband and I kept arguing. It was interesting to see how different we are and that a great deal of the conflict came from us seeing the world differently and not understanding the other saw the same situation very differently. It might interest you perhaps.


Hi Quercus

Its both a vent and also a desire to undertstand whether there is a name/category for a person who exhibits most or all of those characteristics . Thanks for your reply

Hi Shockwave,

Thanks for clarifying, I appreciate it. Did venting help somewhat at least?

You've got a few posts now and I was wondering do you have another thread? I get the feeling your story is complex and I'm missing a lot of it 😊.

Hope today is even slightly easier for you.


Dear Shockwave

It's difficult for anyone to give the sort of diagnosis you appear to want without first seeing and talking to the person concerned. A psychologist, psychiatrist or doctor would most certainly want to speak to the person. We are not medical people here and do not have the requisite skills to make that call.

Nat has suggested you could complete the Myer/Briggs personality test which you can find here. https://www.16personalities.com/ However I do strongly suggest you do not complete it for someone else. What you think and feel about yourself is probably not how others see you and the same applies for the way you see others. This is what Nat was saying.

I can see how frustrated and upset you are with your partner. Have you thought of marriage counselling? Relationships Australia are very good at this and have very reasonable charges. This may be something to explore.

You are very welcome to continue posting here and to ask for help. I think what I have posted may not be in the area you wanted but I feel you need to understand we cannot diagnose anyone here. That is a job for professionals. We can give you heaps of support and discuss ways of making you more comfortable in your marriage. Would that help do you think? Love to hear from you again.


Yes, totally understand Mary. Thanks for clarifying.

Hello Shockwave

A brief note to ask how you are going. Can we help or support you further? I would love to know how you are travelling.


Community Member
Dear Shockwave. To me, it sounds as though he is trying his hardest to compete with you. He could feel inadequate that he believes you are more intelligent so his frustration manifests by either running away or challenging you. Trying to engage him in a reasonable discussion is difficult because from the sound of it, he is competing. He sounds as though he has a low self esteem, almost waif-like which is a narc characteristic. Waifs prefer to communicate with people who need his seemingly higher level of education. He also seems to be displaying a hermit type of character, another narc trait. How is your relationship with his family? Some narc's families spend time building their confidence to the point where the narc feels indestructible, then he has this need to stay on top so he challenges you for saying something that, to him, is a challenge. The hermit trait is the loner, they don't enjoy being away from their kingdom, because the control is gone. Dining out is a challenge because they can't tell anyone how to behave. At home he is the ruler and being challenged constantly means being armed. Just my opinion based on my job which is transporting people who are disabled and have these characteristics.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Shockwave, the thread you're posted is absolutely something I can honestly relate to except for the OCD, because I hid everything I did, but for the rest of your comment all I can say is wow.

Another point which I'd like to add is 'being careful in what you had to say' at certain times, don't know whether you can relate to that.

Best wishes.