My Husband Has Cheated and We Are Divorcing

Becky087 · ‎01-06-2017

Almost two weeks ago, I kicked my husband out after discovering he was cheating. The thing is, this is not the first time he has cheated. It's actually the fourth time over the course of our 7 year relationship. We've been together since I was 16, I'm now 23. We got engaged at 19 and married at 21. Now we're separated just 18 months after our wedding and will be divorced in a year. Why did I stay with him when he cheated so many times? It's kind of a long story.

The first time I heard about it through one of his friends and all he had was messages online to some girl I didn't know that were public (not private messages). When I confronted him about it, he said she was a friend who was being harrassed by a guy and Daniel (my husband, boyfriend at the time) was trying to make it look like he was her boyfriend to get this guy to leave her alone. Thing is, I didn't know this girl and he had never mentioned her. I broke up with him, not believing his story. But eventually decided to forgive him.

Fast forward two years, another of his friends texts me to say Daniel has slept with his girlfriend and sends me texts between Daniel and the girlfriend in question. I couldn't verify the integrity of the texts and couldn't believe Daniel would cheat on me with her as she was fat, ugly and unlikable. So, stupidly, I ignored the claims despite his previous offense (the integrity of which I couldn't confirm either). We got engaged the following year.

Next two and a half years prior to our wedding go off without a hitch, then 6 months after we're married, I discover he slept with our roommate, my best friend, before we were married. The best friend in question had since been kicked out of our house and we were not on speaking terms due to an incident following our wedding. I discovered he'd been messaging her since and the messages were indicative of an affair to which he admitted when I confronted him. I moved out for a few days, but decided to give him another chance. Had I discovered the affair before our wedding, it would have been over then and there, but once we were married (and only for 6 months), we couldn't just throw it in.

This latest incident two weeks ago was the last straw. I gave him his last chance, and he violated my trust again, so it's over now. The reason I'm writing this is because I am NOT coping. I am kicking myself for ever marrying him, I am angry and full of regret. I feel stupid, foolish and like I've wasted my life and my youth on him.

Jay94 · ‎01-06-2017

Hey, hope all is well!

He really doesnt deserve you if he us doing all this behind your back, also with your best friend!!

Even if he is begging you to come back, remember thete are bigger and better things to come

The best thing is to stay close to your family and close friends for awhile

Hope I made a diffrence 😊

Becky087 · ‎01-06-2017

He isn't begging he knows it's over. But what's worse is that he's ignoring me entirely. Won't even acknowledge me like he doesn't even care. It's doing my head in.

geoff · ‎01-06-2017

hello Becky, I'm just so sorry that this has happened, and no, he won't acknowledge you because that's exactly how he treats his ladies, and it's sad to say, but all he does is use them and throw them away when he wants to move on.
You were very considerate to ask him back, but he is only interested in doing what pleases himself, he doesn't care about anybody else, and as you have told him to go he will never appreciate you as being his wife.
There is one thing that is positive, if you can believe me, is that you have leant a great deal from this experience, but I know that it could take you awhile to overcome your devastation and betrayal, because it's certainly not what you would ever want.
I can feel your agony and pain`and it may take awhile before you have the trust for somebody else. Geoff.

Apollo_Black · ‎01-06-2017

I'm sorry you're going through this. On a positive note you are young and don't have kids. Strike it off as a bad experience, learn from it and move on to your next phase of life. To get through the pain of now getting some kind of couselling/therapy is highly recommended. Just don't date too soon. Give yourself time to heal, get positive and become comfortable with yourself first.

velvetfaerie · ‎01-06-2017

**Many hugs** to you Becky.

I have been here myself when I was between 19 and 22 years of age. The only difference is I never went through with the marriage. Believe me in time you will come to see you are worth way more than this. My now LONG ago ex bedded my friends, (nice friends hey!), and also his best mates wife, (who was also my friend). It was absolutely gut wrenching to say the least. But now, many many years on I have done well and him.... lets say karma bites hard!

You have been very stoic and forgiving. In my humble brash opinion = boot his ass. You have wasted nothing. You tried when he was not willing to. You have learnt a lot and grown as well as a person.

One step at a time, be with friends and family who support you. You will get there.

**hugs**

Velv.

X

Becky087 · ‎23-07-2017

I appreciate all your advice, all of you, and you trying to help. But to me it doesn't feel like I've wasted nothing. It feels like I've wasted my best, youngest years being married when I should have been single, dating lots of people, getting to know myself better. I feel like I've missed out on my youth and I'll never get it back. I know I'm only 23, but I feel like this whole experience has aged me 10 years.

RusselB · ‎27-07-2017

Hi Becky, yes there are lost years, BUT, you can either dwell on that, or wake up tomorrow morning thinking of someone else like myself, who is turning 49 shortly, & who would so gladly be 40 again. 23 is very much in the age of young singles dating etc, go out & make up for lost time! But also be safe & careful. You need to understand, you ARE still very young, very young indeed.

Guest6093 · ‎28-07-2017

Hi Becky,

Just wanted to say that you are 23 and have so much more life to live!

I didn't start my first relationship till I was 29 and I'm struggling with things at the moment.

You have to understand that what you have been through has been tough but you went through it so now you will be with someone who treats you better in a way that you should be treated and that's a wonderful thing to look forward to. Don't focus on the past but of how great things will come to you now and in the future.

Keep well,

R