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Anger Ruining Relationship

Community Member

Hi everyone,

I'm unsure where to go from here. My wife is my first relationship (I started late in life) and we have a nearly one year old. I feel I am getting angry with both of them as I feel like I am struggling to support financially. I try to help clean and keep things tidy but that they both make a mess and it doesn't worry them living like that.

My wife has stopped being intimate with me as she doesn't feel satisfied in that department. I am the romantic one in the relationship and have had enough of trying this. She rarely does anything romantic for me and I'm too tired to keep the act up.

What's frustrating is I am getting angry about everything, every comment, every detail, everything. It doesn't matter what it is, I am getting grumpy and angry about it. I don't know why. I have tried some spiritual methods and would like to know if anyone has suggestions on how to stop my brain from going in this dirsction? Does anyone know of any support groups that perhaps don't cost much?

My wife thinks I am struggling supporting cause I have never had to. We live in not great accomodation but I like things to be clean and it doesn't bother her being unclean. How can we compromise?

Hope you can help in some way. All your words of wisdom are welcome.

4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hi Nickname_BD79CBF0-ABDC-4E96-B5C3-E0A60B41FF08,

Sorry to read what you are currently going through. These are always a little tough to give advice on, my first question is have you sat your wife down and spoken to her about how you are feeling? Sometimes just talking up front about it can be a good first step? Maybe marriage counselling may also be an option for you two and there does seem to be some things for you both to work through.

I know you asked about support groups, from my knowledge of these forums we are not allowed to recommend support groups however I can say maybe giving a call to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 to ask about what options you may have, they are open 24/7 and have trained professionals on the phone. The other option is to go to your GP and explain how you are feeling and they may suggest you seeing a psychologist to help talk through things. Possibly look at a Mental Health Care Plan for you.

Compromise is a hard thing as it require both parties to agree, from what you are saying, you wife doesn't mind if the house is unclean which I know can be frustrating but again, back to my initial point, have you spoken to her about this and what has her reaction been?

My best for you,


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Nickname, it's always sad to read a post like yours, but what I'd like you to do is google this 'do I have ocd'.
I say this because of what you have told us and it's very possible that if you do have OCD then being in a messy house will drive you up the wall, which in turn can make you angry, and to second my point is that you are the romantic one in this marriage, I maybe wrong here and can accept that, but to me it leads to OCD.
It would be great to hear back from you and don't worry I have been wrong many times before. Geoff.

Community Member

Thanks Geoff and Jay,

Yes, I have spoken to my wife. We are very open about how we feel with each other, however it doesnt semm to shake it off.

And in some form I have Ocd but not to a large extent. This, however, I don't think she comprehends at how frustrating and how much it makes me not concentrate.


Community Member

Hi Nickname_BD79CBF0-ADBC-4E96-B5C3-E0A60B41FF08,

It's good you have a open relationship and can speak freely about it with your wife but you also want them to understand as well.

It may be worth speaking to your GP and see if OCD is a possibility, I have OCD and know how tough it can be to live with.

My best,