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My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina
Community Member

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months.

He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. ​I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

54 Replies 54

Hi there J-Tina

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.

How did it come about that he said he doesn't love you? Is it because you said you were unhappy? Has he said it's over? And why are you the one having to sleep in the spare room??

how old are you guys??

Look I'm not in the best position myself to comment but I will say this. I know when someone has checked out and it looks like your husband has checked out. This doesn't mean it's over but you can't bend to his every whim. You are not responsible for his actions or moods and particularly his BS.

I'd certainly be getting some counseling together if you can get him to do that. Just don't move out but do what you can do to stay sane. While this is happening I suggest doing a 180 or mindful attraction plan (Google both of these). Basically the premise is that you begin to work on yourself to build attraction but not for them - do it for you. Start creating some positive energy for yourself so he can either join you or he can sink and you bail. You want to get yourself in the best position to either make him want to get together or you leave.

But don't forget - your still legally entitled so get some legal advice if you need to.

are you working? Do you have many friends? I suggest start doing more things for yourself and leave him to his stupid video games for now. And please - don't tell him you love him every day. He doesn't deserve it and it's just going to make you look more needy and turn him off.

Try and forget his BS for a bit. Go out with a friend and try and have a good time. Talk to your counsellor. Do that little hobby you used to do. Take the pressure off for a while. See what happens. Keep commenting ok???

dear Tina, he is the one that has to change as you are trying very hard 'in all ways but one' and for him to stop drinking alcohol and then start smoking weed is no better from each other, it's just replacing one addiction to another one and he's using them to escape reality, but it is so difficult to love a person when they are in denial and pushing you away, it's sad. Geoff. x

Dear Geoff, Thank you so much for your helpful words. You are right that he replaces one addiction for another. He is in denial my counsellour said the same thing. Playing too much on-line games and talking to strangers instead if his own wife is avoiding living in reality. I have done all I can. I know this is

... not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. He says I'm the best person he's been with. That confuses me and I could'nt understand how all of a sudden last week I got a text from him that he loved me. Then only a week later he doesn't. You are right, I'm trying everything I can do but nothing works. Its time to have a plan B. I have support from a friend bit I will want to speak to a solicitor and find out my options. J-Tina.

Dear Jasmine

I am so sorry that you are in this predicament. Geoff and Neil have given great advice so I will not add much.

I think you are right. Go to a solicitor and get advice. As I understand it, although he bought the house before you met, you are entitled to half the proceeds of the sale. Not sure how you are placed financially and solicitors can be expensive. Look up Women's Legal Service in your state. They will give you some free sessions. At the least it will give some information about divorces and settlements.

Best wishes to you.

Mary

In case you missed it I have response above. Totally agree you need legal advice

Dear Apollo, thank you for your helpful suggestions. It was encouraging and uplifting. Thank you for your ideas of working on myself and have a good time with friends and families. I dont have families here. They are overseas. We both work. We are both in our 30's and Im slightly older. I play sports and I havr some friends to go out for lunch and see a movie. Thank you, i will stop expressing my feelings. Im not gonna put up with his emotional torture and bs mind games.

dear Tina, don't let his emotional bs try and break you down, you can love someone and if they don't love you, then you could be wasting your precious time and fighting a lost cause.
Addiction to alcohol or drugs will make people say things that they don't mean, in other words lie to you, and make these comments just to suit their own needs so that he can continue on with whatever his is using, grog or drugs.
Please let us know how you get on with the lawyer. Geoff. x

Hi J-T

i don't mean stop expressing your feelings, just try doing the opposite for a while. Vent tryout friends if you need to. check out the googling I recommended - see if that's something you could try

Dear Geoff, Thank you for your honest reminders. I can feel I'm fighting a loosing battle. I do believe he is lying to me. Making up excuses and blaming me for his feelings that have now disappeared. I was so blindsided although I had a feeling it would go all wrong, when he admitted he hasn't been happy for a couple of months. Right there should have been thr give away clue. I also wanted to apologise for all the spelling mistakes. I'm always replying on mobile. J-Tina. ps seeing a lawyer soon.