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My friends don't reach out to me, ever. When I reach out, they're willing to catch up, be friendly and all that. Why don't any of my friends want me?

Novocastrian
Community Member
I'm an emotional guy (26M), which most interpret as needy or just plain weird, but I know that I need close relationships to survive. I've been dealing with depression since I was 14 and suicidal thoughts since I was 16, and the only thing that got me through the suicide attempts was decent counselling and close friends. Most of my friends have moved away and don't even have the initiative to call or text to catch up, but when I miss them enough to reach out (every month or so), they're readily available to play online games together and catch up. Why don't any of my friends take initiative to reach out to me? Being the only one to organise events makes me feel abandoned and that they're only tolerating my calls/texts/gaming catchup sessions out of obligation, or that I'm some sort of charity case to them. How do I live with this?
11 Replies 11

Hi Novo, thanks for replying

how do you let go?

Well you’ll need to revert to behaviour that is reasonable and common.

Dont contact them until pre Xmas and send a card with loving words. If they have a birthday ring them- ask questions about how things are. Avoid talking about yourself.

Anxiety and obsessional thoughts together in my experience can lead to a clingy, easy and eager to fall in love and get attached.

For yourself, you deserve praise for acknowledging your problem. Many don’t.

I can only suggest working towards conventional rules of friendship. Distraction is a favourite of mine. You have already mentioned your obsessive thoughts don’t diminish with hobbies and sports but I wonder if you have applied yourself fully? I once built a house after separating from my first wife and worked 3 jobs- too tired to think about her. Such exhaustion was forced discipline really and worked.

google

beyondblue topic distraction and variety

TonyWK

FishNerd
Community Member

People who haven't been where you are simply have no understanding of what you are dealing with. To them you should be able to snap out of it or just simply move on. They just lack the understanding that it's often not a choice despite how much we wish it was. Keep reaching out but I suspect you'll find better friends with people who have been where you are.🤗