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My dad's destructive behavior is ruining the family...

dee_1
Community Member

Hi guys

I need someone to talk to because I'm so lost at the moment. This is going to be a lengthy post.

My dad has some serious anger and control issues and currently it's escalated to the point where my poor mum is considering divorce because he has completely lost it.

From memory dad was always harsh with his punishments towards me and my 2 sisters. We would get the occasional smack across the bum with a wooden spoon or we were told to kneel down onto the bathroom tiles as punishment for being naughty. I dont really remember being so naughty that severe punishment was appropriate for the things we did wrong.

Anyway, when I as 15/16 years old and in high school everyone around me...my friends I mean got their youth allowance money except me. So one day when the 5 of us (mum, dad and two sisters), were traveling in the car going home and I asked dad why I wasn't getting my youth allowance money...he actually got quite ugly with me and told me that when he was growing up in Hungary, any money he earned from his job went to the family so his mother could support him and their family and he only saw a small portion of that money. I said that the fact that my friends got their youth allowance money and I didn't was completely unfair. To which he responded to that with - if I didn't like what was going on in the family I could take my youth allowance money and I can go leave the family and live on my own. He said I wouldn't survive because it was not much money. From this day forward I saw my dad from a different light.

He was always so aggressive when he was in a bad mood. My middle sister, coped it so badly when she was a kid. She was punished severely for not being able to understand how to read and write and do basic mathematics.

At one point my middle sister pissed my mum off so bad when she couldn't write a sentence that she clasped onto my sister's writing hand so aggressively my sister's wrist couldn't move from the pain. I remember her crying in pain from not being able to move her wrist. My middle sister starting pinching stuff from children's school lunch boxes and dad tried to punish my sister over and over again for stealing but nothing was working so my dad...i remember everything vivdly... grabbed my sister's little hand and put a lighter to her hand. My sister screamed and screamed her lungs out of fear and shock I was so worried for her. Dad said he was just trying to scare her...it worked and she never stole again.

11 Replies 11

mbos
Community Member

Hi dee,

You're a good guy and never forget that.

Your Dad will change only if he really wants to. The important thing here is you. My advice is to concentrate on your feelings and relationships with your mum and sisters.

I was bought up in a house with a very controlling angry father which caused issues for all the siblings down the track. I wish I got help earlier as poor self esteem negatively affected relationships with people I love. Consider going to see a professional, there is absolutely no shame in looking after yourself.

Michael.

dee_1
Community Member

Hi Michael

It almost sounds like we have the same fathers...

My mum was upset last night that I said I didn't feel like talking to her but I kinda feel betrayed in a sense.

Although my dad did nice things for me and I'm sure he lovesme I can't forgive him for the things he said to me through letters he sent me and I'm angry at my mother for going back to a man who has caused me so much depression and anxiety.

So I'm taking a break from my mum and dad because I am really tired of the stress and anxiety. I'm tired of the mind games.

Anyway thanks for everyone's support. I'm feeling pretty down.