My Dad is severly depressed and anxious because of my narcissitic Mum.

[Fa11on]

Hi, I mostly made this account because I am really worried about my Dad's well-being and state of mind.

For a few months now, my Mum has been running out of the house at night straight after work (works at home) and then staying over at one of her friend's houses over night, and we barely get to see her. She is quite narcissistic (though not diagnosed), so is constantly telling us how we are not good enough and that we are ruining her life. I've grown up with this my whole life, so I'm used to this, but lately it has been making my Dad really depressed and anxious (is taking anti-anxiety drugs).

They don't really fight, but it is the constant never wanting to have anything to do with him, or telling him that he isn't good enough that is getting to him. He still loves her so much and deserves so much better than her, but getting a divorce is not really an option for him.

I'm a week off of being 19, and for the first time in my life, I saw him crying this afternoon, and I have no idea how to help or fix things between them (I have really bad social-anxiety that prevents me from talking to nearly everyone, so I don't know how to even comfort him in this). I just want my Dad to be happy.

I was maybe thinking of talking to my Mum about this first though (maybe go out for coffee), though I don't know how well it will go, because if it is not about her, then she is rarely willing to listen and gets really mad about how nobody even cares about her.

I don't know, I would really appreciate help with this.

[geoff]

hello Fa11on, I sure if your father knew how concerned you were for his well fair then he would appreciate what you are trying to do, but I'm not sure that your mum would want to discuss this issue especially if it doesn't involve her, however what she is doing is creating so many problems both for you and your dad.
He doesn't want to get divorced but this won't stop her from doing so, if that's what she decides to do, because at the moment it doesn't appear to any sort of marriage, not what your father wants, so it's very sad for him, plus it's very disappointing for you, and certainly not in any way helping you in socialising.
I would suggest you take your dad down to see his doctor who would probably prescribe antidepressants and I also recommend you do the same, because both of you need to try and feel better before you can tackle your mum, but even so she has made a decision which is not going to be easy to sort out.
If she won't want to do anything then as hard as it's going to be for your dad, then perhaps they might as well separate, I know that this is going to be difficult for your dad to accept.
Would like to hear what you have to say. Geoff.