My bf chose to work away for 3 months and I’m struggling / think i’m losing him

[Charlie29]

My partner always wanted to work at the snow since he was a little boy. I decided to be a supportive gf and help him with his resume (even though i didn’t want him to leave) and he got the job to be a snowboard instructor for 3 months...

I’m struggling as he is calling less, and has barely talked about all the friends he has made. I questioned him about why he doesn’t talk about his friends and he snapped at me and made me sound annoying or intrusive.

This is hard for me as I was cheated on twice in the past, and I don’t want to assume he is doing things behind my back..but I feel he has friends that are girls and he doesn’t want to tell me because he thinks I’ll get paranoid.. but it’s difficult when he is not being transparent. I’d rather him just tell me the truth.

It’s hard as sometimes he parties and gets drunk, and I don’t really like that.

He is less romantic on the phone and he said a while ago it was because he didn’t want to get too mushy or he would just get sad, but it doesn’t make me feel good, as he chose to work away. Is it bad for me to be angry he isn’t making more of an effort?

Im starting to worry that he is questioning our relationship, or upset I am expecting more of him.. and we are about to have our 12 month anniversary.. please let me know your thoughts.

[smallwolf]

Hi Charlie,

welcome to beyond blue.

how long has your bf been away now?

It is a sticky situation as you want to trust him but past relationships bring up concerns, and there is also the matter of whether he is telling the whole truth or snapping at you as a result of your curiosity about new friends.

your thoughts about him and the possibility of him cheating on you would be natural given what has happened to you in the past. However, just because two persons have done this in the past to you, does not necessarily make him the same as them.

I wonder if you both were able to set aside some time of the week to talk to each other. And then, whether your bf is aware if you history and related concerns? And then, whether you have both talked about where you both are in the relationship?

In me, anxiety can make me drift towards to the worst possible outcome as the most likely outcome. Yet I don't really know what will happen in the future, as much as I might like to.

Finally, if he out partying, is there anything stopping you from enjoying yourself also? You could also talk to your friends about what they think also.

Tim