Mum's Birthday Payback

[adamc]

Let me clarify the title.

It was Mum's birthday last week and I chose not to buy her anything because of her nasty, putdown attitude towards me.

I'm 39, Mum she treats and speaks to me like a petulant child, tells me off for buying DVDs for myself, trying to tell me what I can and can't do with my own money and I always overhear her and my oldest sister saying things like "Wouldn't it be great if we had a dog? I want one but the chief won't let us have one." They've been rejected on every adoption application they've put in.

Because of this attitude, I didn't get Mum anything for her birthday and because of this, Dad has said I'm not to buy him anything ever and Mum has said she doesn't want me riding in her car.

She goes around saying "He buys his Dad something and buys his sister presents but can't be bothered to get his own mother something."

On a number of occasions, she comes up to me and says "So, are you going to be buying me anything for my birthday/Xmas/mother's day?"

[tranzcrybe]

You have every reason to feel aggrieved by the behaviour of family and I can understand how contradictory it would be saying "I love you" with a gift which you know doesn't match your present frame of mind.
Nevertheless, we can be considerate of how some occasions are of vital importance regardless of tiffs and conflict - even the WW1 soldiers on the front line took a moment to celebrate Christmas with their foes in an impromptu truce, so we all have the ability to put aside our differences if only for a short time.
Tolerance of differing views is a skill to practice, not dwelling on past infractions, and trying not to engage 'like for like' for such reciprocated behaviour hurts them as it did you - very 'Hatfield and McCoys' as this often leads to escalation.
Repaying aggression with kindness is a technique primarily for your own self esteem, helping you to rise above, and it often dis-empowers any pleasure others seek in degrading you.
Give it a try and let me know how you go.