Missing out on important aspects of life...

[DoingOk]

So I'm about to get married. We are deeply in love, have been together for years and actually have two children together, so this is somewhat of a nice party where we exchange vows, celebrate our love etc, in front of friends and family. I'm really looking forward to it.

However, I don't have any friends to invite. Not a single one. I have distant family, so it kind of makes up for it, but never before has it hit me so hard that I don't have even a single friend. My fiancé is asking me to organise a bucks party, to invite her friends partners and my family (she is WELL aware of my personality and many limitations, and is ok with it, though she feels bad for me), and I've agreed to. But I know I won't. I can't put myself out there, particularly for people I don't count as friends.

What's wrong with me that I can't maintain a single friend? I feel I am rather boring and inward, but not having a single person value me as a friend really adds to a feeling of worthlessness, one that already pervades deeply.

I'm happy to be a dad, and a husband - these are fulfilling! - but I know I'm missing out on much in life and it hurts a lot.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, perhaps just a void to speak into.

Thanks void!

DoingOk

[white knight]

Hi doingok, welcome

Imo the harm if not having any friends is far outweighed by your guilt. Guilt is the problem. Comparing yourself to others that have friends is not the way to go.

Your partner means well however, with you not having friends you feel obligated to "perform normally" by having a bucks party where you are forced to invite relative strangers.

Your wedding can turn into an ordeal rather than a fun time.

Firstly, accept that you are not the type of person that attracts friends. Friendships like love is something that happens, not something you chase.

Secondly, have a serious talk with your fiancé and tell her your concerns. A bucks party should be what you want not what she wants for you.

Be warm about it. Praise her for thinking of you.

As for not having friends I'm the same. I don't drink, attend the footy etc. I am a member if a motorcycle club and the women are my friends not the guys. Lol

I am not bothered. Seeking "normality" or chasing it is counter productive.

Be yourself, love yourself....the friendships might come along.

Remember, friendships can be hard work, hurtful and false. Be positive but wary.

Tony WK

[SubduedBlues]

Welcome to BB, DoingOK

You need not to have close friendships when you get married; I didn't.My brother couldn't be arsed to come down, so I asked a workmate to "stand in" the best man: for the sake of the ceremony. Heck he was just someone I used to have lunch with, we really weren't much more than just sociable at work. He didn't have to make any speeches, I did that: toasted my new wife. And, my (soon to be) brother-in-law was the groomsman. I was new to South Aust., and I didn't know anyone, but that didn't matter.

What's important here is the ceremony, not who you have as a bestman/groomsman.

Heck if you really want to make it memorable: pick out a best man from the homeless shelter. It'd be the highlight of his year.

That's my 2 cents
SB

[kanga_brumby]

DoingOk hi this another voice in the void. When I got married I asked one of my partners friends to step up and be best person on my side. It blew me right away when she agreed. Yes it was a woman; and me a bloke. As for grooms man well got my brother to do that. There are always options if your open to them. Hope that's a help