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Married and have a crush on some from work - Please help me

Community Member

I am a happily married guy with a beautiful and supporting wife - However, off lately met this girl at work and gone head over heels about her - I cannot stop thinking about and miss her every second in my life. when I see this girl at I am super energetic and very happy when I am with her and the movement I am back home - I unable to concentrate on anything and trying everything to stop thinking about her - But unable to do so the girl from work does not even know I love her so much and she is a good friend of mine and unable to express my feelings for her. Please help me - I don't know what to do - it's just driving me insane. I am pretty much-consuming alcohol every day in copious mounts just to sleep - I am totally frustrated with this situation and even thought of telling this person i have feelings for her but way too afraid to let her know. Can someone please advised me what i need to - thanks for your'e support

107 Replies 107

Hey lordrainyday8888,

Welcome to our friendly forums, we're so grateful that you've shown your strength in being so open and honest with your feelings. We can hear how anxious and frustrated you must be feeling right now, and we're really sorry to hear that you've been consuming alcohol to help you sleep each day. It sounds like it must be so difficult to be keeping these feelings bottled up inside, but please know that this is a safe space for you to express yourself, and our community are here to help offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need through this.

We'd also really encourage you to talk these feelings through with the kind and understanding counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a non-judgemental and supportive space.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi lordrainyday8888 and welcome to the forums which are a safe caring non udgemental enviroment.

Ssting you are a happily married man you know this is just a crush on this person who you connection with and is new in your life and exciting.I can understand where you coming from with this.You probably have the same routine with your wife so maby change it and trying to do something different and spice things off with your wife and rekindle the spark with her.Please try and not use alcohol to lean on and as a coping mechanism.

Tale care,


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi lordrainyday8888,

Thank you sharing such a courageous post, letting us in on something so personal.

Sophie M has given some great advise, you should give the hotline a call and have a chat with someone.

If you don't feel like doing that, why don't go catch up with a dear friend that you can trust? let them know whats going on, having great supports is so important.

I'm sure your feelings will subside for this other lady. In the meantime let us know how you go.



Community Member

Oh dear this must be very difficult for you and for your wife as she must have noticed the changes in your behaviour. I have personally been affected by this with my partner who has experienced a midlife crisis.

Please look up the word Limerence, as this may be what you are experiencing and help you understand your feelings.

Just reflect on your current situation and realise what you may have to lose if it goes further.

Hi Sophie,

Thank you very much for support from Beyond Blue - Hopefully, things work out well - Not just me in general - but many people who are facing different problems and everyone is in peace. - Thanks for ur help 🙂 Much appreciated

Hi Mark,

Thank you very much for you're support - I am trying my level best to get that thought out of my head and even if i try to do new stuff and chat with my wife - things are going down as I am not able to get that person out of my head and need to something asap before it takes me down te rabbit role. - I will keep you posted and let me know. thanks - hope you're doing good on ur end 🙂

Hi lordrainyday thanks for the update.I completely understand how hard it can be to get someone out your head.Is it like crossroads on your life.Which road do you take and it is something that you will have to try and workout.Or just keep going down the same road.You have the answer in you.
You have plenty of caring support here.
Take care,

Hi Mich,

I am having a look at it - LIMERENCE and feel I am chasing a pot of gold under the rainbow and realize it's a box of cornflakes.

I am having that 2 faces on a daily basis - where from the outside I am happy and energetic but inside I am devastated and broken completely in fronton my wife as I do not wanna stress her. Today i even spoke with the girl from work and she asked if I am doing ok as she can sense something is not right but I could not have the courage to tell her - that I have feelings for and told her - I will let her know sometime in the future and abruptly started talking something else. It's just driving me insane and I know for a fact I cannot get her in my life and eventually she will meet someone and move on but I am super unhappy that I can't be with her. I don't know what to do? Thanks for listening Mich - I hope i am not selfish only venting my problems out but hopefully things are much better in your life 🙂

Hi DoZ86

Thank you for your support but I am unable to let my best mate know as he/she will think I am a loser and lose my respect in front of them as they are very close to me and I don't wanna lose them in life - the worst thing in my life I always relationships and don't wanna lose it. I don't know what to do - but I don't want my life going spiral downwards and cannot even enjoy even one single movement of my life. totally sucks big time