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Love,Lies and Deception!

Community Member

I have been with my fiance for nearly 10 years but for the past 4 months i have felt no connection physically, mentally or emotionally which has lead me to begin an affair with another man.

Im torn between 2 decisions and cannot figure out what i should do.i know i owe it to my fiance to tell him what's been going on but am affraid to as he owns everything we have.and the other option is just keep seeing the other man and not hurting my fiance as i still love him in some way.

I am in no way trying to condone what i have done, but when i am with the other man i am my normal self and always smile.i want to be happy with my fiance again but each time i try to tell him my feelings im silenced or ignored, which does nothing for my self esteem. I know and understand that in the end one relationship has to end for the other to grow but am afraid im going to make the wrong decision and have to live with it.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi Bubble89,

I've been there - ie. I had an affair. It destroyed me and my life. I ended up with nothing. No job, friends or money. Not to mention becoming suicidal and ending up in hospital.

Saying that, the man I had an affair with still has everything - his wife, family, job, friends, money.

Your fiance will find out eventually. It took 12 months for my husband to find out. Have you been to couples counselling? If not I would highly recommend that before doing anything else. You'll be able to see relatively quickly whether your relationship with your fiance is salvageable and if you want it to be.

You are brave admitting to the affair even here.  A person who has an affair always gets the blame for a relationship breakdown.  I hope you can try not to take that on like I did. 

Ive asked for therapy together and separately to work on our own issues but he thinks its not needed, i know he will find out sooner or later and i dreed that moment but sounding selfish, im starting to become the person i use be when im around the other man.

Im finally happy with myself that i no longer feel i need to please him in anyway shape or form to make myself feel better about the situation.