Lost, worthless, tiny and insignificant.

[Alli89]

What does everybody do after u have done something ur parnter doesn't like (i wasnt aware i was doin anything)

After 3 days straight awake suffering from insomnia, chronic pain from arthritis in both knees and back, i just got the crap blown outta me for not sleeping next to him.Explained to him wats happened and got told not to winge about it!

Im just about ready to give up and become the broken silent person he wants me to be and it scares me as ive pulled myself from a pretty dark place, only to feel like im creeping back in.ive told him this and that i was going to go back on my meds and got shut down.

When i was younger iwas never one to let anything get to me but it getting to the point where i cant stand to be near anyone especially him...does that make a nasty person?

[Neil_1]

Dear Alli

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

You’ve mentioned your issues with insomnia and also that you’re suffering from chronic knee and back pain – all those things are damn awful and would be not good to deal with.  From what I read, it sounds as though the meds you are taking ARE for the above – like to assist with the pain that you’re experiencing?  I’m sorry for saying what I’m about to say, but if you’re in constant chronic pain with back and knee pain and your boyfriend doesn’t like you taking your pain relief medication, I’d be saying, “Well mate, sorry but I am going to and if you don’t like it, then …”

From also what I can read from your post, it doesn’t sound like it’s a particularly good relationship if you’re suggesting that you can’t stand to be near him – as there are obviously factors that are causing you to say this.  Does this make you a nasty person?  No.  Definitely not.

But on the other side of the coin here, is if you think you’d like this relationship to continue, then I think it might be a good idea for both of you to seek out some form of relationship counselling to see how you can better organise and arrange things.

Not sure if I’ve helped out there at all, but hopefully something I’ve said has triggered something inside you.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Alli, thanks for posting your comment, which is in deed a frightening situation you are in.

When you are suffering from the effects of arthritis and the pain associated from all of this, it surely isn't a pleasant experience, and as I'm getting on, I know the difficulty in getting up and down, but it's no different to someone who doesn't have to cope with these allergies, they can never relate, nor understand.

I wonder how long you have been in this relationship for, and please only answer if you want to, but what worries me is that it seems that you have been 'through the wringer' with some type of depression and struggling to keep your head afloat.

If however he is wanting or forcing you back into this dark place, then it's not where you should be, but I would like to hear back from you first of all.

Please remember that all posts are treated with care and because it's anonymous, no one knows who you are, all we want to do is help you. L Geoff. x

[Alli89]

We have been together for nearly 9 years, the only meds  i take are pain relief for my knee and back..i was meaning my meds for depression/anxiety as i had to go off them for a while, i honestly dont want to end it i do love him.

Im just frustrated/hurt that ive let myself get this bad again,