Lost love

[Troy010]

Hi all, i am a new member of this amazimg support group.

I suffer badley from depression and sometimes really really bad anxiety,and yes i understand now that alcohol is not what should be going into my body.

I have been with my wife for 31 years and married for 16 years,and have two great adult kids.
As everyone , 2020 was not the best year with my dad passing and having
To leave a job after 10 years,leaving some very special friends/workmates.

My wife and i have both been drinkers all of our lives (both from about 14 ) but the last 12 years have been the worst were we basically are/where i major alchohlics for the last 12 years. I have attempted to stop a few times over the past 2 years, 8 months in 2019 and the again for 2 months at the negining of 2020 , to now,where i hate alcohol so much i KNOW i will never drink it again.

And i am Now being sober again for 5 monthes, i wanted my wife to do th
e same but she just doesnot want to stop drinking.

Our last 4 or 5 years have not been the greatest due to alcohol and the nasty nasty demonds it brings
When way too much has been consumed.

The longer i dont drink,the more i think which is not good,and i know have come to a very hard situuation.

I no longer have the love for my wife that i have held so highly for so long,and this i causing a lot of distress with me,where i am now thinking about doing things to myself which i know are wrong,because to me it seems easier than what i now have to do, i know that just makes no sense,im struggling with it as well.

There is a bigger back story to my marraige with my with being mentally abusive towards me for a few years , but only because of alcohol, but it still doesnt excuse some of the terriable, hurtful,and so downgrading coments my wife use to direct at me,until it came to a head last year.

The deal was we both stop drinking and reset...relove...and go again...but it seems a road im travelling on my own.

I can feel im different, i no longer want to be married, i no longer want to give what love i have left just beacuse its whats expected.

I do have appointments with my gp today because i really feel im going to do something so stupid if i dont sort this, and myself out.

Am i selfish,,am i doing this wrong,,should i be ashamed i can't / don't want to be married anymore.

I hope all the above makes a bit of sense and i thankyou for reading my issues.

[Guest909]

Hi Troy

Welcome to BB.

I'm not sure if I'm the best person to respond to your post. I've never had a problem with an addiction, so I can't speak from experience.

That said, I think you are one of the lucky ones; you've identified a problem, and are attempting to deal with it. Only the lucky ones get to see the problem; your wife can't.

To my knowledge, addictions (alcohol and drugs) are usually a symptom of bigger underlying mental health MH) problem. In your case, the underlying problem seems to be depression. In your wife's case, it may be something different, like NPD or BPD or any number of other MH problems; I'm "shooting the breeze" here.

The problem is, the addiction and the underlying MH condition needs to be treated as one. Going "on the wagon" is a good start, but you need to address the underlying depression if you want to stay sober. A trip to your GP is a very good start. Hopefully your GP will prescribe the right medication and a good phycologist to manage the underlying depression. You are on the right road.

For now, I would suggest that you concentrate on fixing you. Once you are stronger, you might be able to help your wife.

Are you attending AA?

Cheers

Paul

[Troy010]

Hi Paul and thanks for reading my post.

I am already on prescription for both my depression and my anxiety, thatsi s whay im off to my gp again today because i think now something more serious is happenening. i am not attending AA, and not to be a hero or think im better than anyone else is any way shape or form, but i know that the alcohol has taken so much of my life now,that i have made a very strong and binding promise to myself that i will never drink again,because i could never just have 1,it had to be everything.

I think thats been my main issue is im trying to make everything work the way it should,when now,i just dont think it will make a difference any more and i need to do SOMETHING to get me through this.

Thankyou for takimg the time to read this.

[Guest909]

Hi Troy

I know that some people have the strength to get through alcoholism by themselves; I've seen it done. Here's hoping that you are one of those people.

I'm no expert on depression, but I think a phycologist might be just what you need to get "through this". I'm guessing that your GP may have also suggest this to you.

You have done the hard yards, take the next step and talk to a mental health professional. If your GP writes up a "Mental Health Care Plan", that will give you access to a Medicare subsidised phycologist.

Given your determination, you can do this!

Cheers