Lost and Confused after caught husband cheating

[Jacksh80]

I'm currently so confused about what I need to do and just feel so lost.

Caught my husband cheating on the weekend. Initially he denied it, didn't think it was cheating because nothing sexual happened, only a kiss. Eventually he admitted it was cheating. I still think he is lying to me about certain parts of events and I'm not entirely convinced nothing sexual didn't happen.

He has struggled with depression (suicidal 2.5 years ago), anger and alcohol abuse for many years after growing up in an abusive household. The alcohol intake has improved, he only drinks some weekends but will drink himself into an oblivion almost.

He had arranged to catch up with an 'old friend' and her father two weeks ago while we are on holidays visiting our families and we were staying at his mother's house. Her father didn't go to the pub, and so it was just him and her. Prior to catching up with her he told me many times if I wasn't comfortable with him catching up with her to let him know and he wouldn't, but I trusted him and would not want him to resent me if I did say no, so I said nothing. I was late to pick him up and was left waiting for an hour in the car after being told he'd be out in 5 mins. I don't know how I know but I think I knew.

On Saturday just gone he was supposed to catch up with friends - which he did- but he had also arranged to catch up with her after. he didn't get home until 2am and has been sleeping in a spare room due to back issues and our 3 year old who likes to share our bed. At home we do share a bed. I got up to go to the bathroom and I heard him sleep talking and he said "we shouldn't be doing this I'm married", I just knew. I checked his phone the next morning and found the messages, him telling her she was sexy, asking for photo's talking about how he can't stop thinking about her and the things they wanted to do. He is adamant nothing sexual happened beyond kissing as he felt guilty. He has always sworn he wouldn't never cheat and after 15 years together, this is the first time.

I love him, I do want to work it out but I just don't know how. Maybe its still too raw, we have spoken and both agreed we would like to work it through, I have told him how hurt etc I was and I speak with my psychologist tomorrow - I suffer from anxiety and have had thoughts of leaving it all behind but not suicidal a few months back after work stresses, but i just don't know what i need to do. Think i really need to get it off my chest, thanks!

[Jacksh80]

Thanks Lost girl,

I can certainly relate to being so tired from mind working overtime, I've had several conversations with my husband and also seen my psychologist and still find myself going over and over so can't imagine how much harder it would be without having had some very difficult conversations with my husband.

He has agreed to go to counselling with me next week so hoping that will help things further.

I hope you get some of the honest answers you need but remember there comes a time where you need to come first.

Take care of yourself