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Lost and alone

Community Member


It's really hard to know where to start but I have been married twice and my second marriage is falling apart because of my depression. I have suffered on and off for many years and ultimately lead to my ending of my first marriage which ended after 26 years.

I met my second wife by chance through work and we just connected on so may levels humour interests music comedy conversation just Flowed between us we could talk about nothing for hours litteratley. We recently got married which was the most amazing day. But there has always been an issue with my wife wanting another baby. A little back ground info. I am 50 had a vasectomy 23 years ago had a reversal done 18 months ago, which hasn't worked. My wife has 2 children from previous realationships. And is only 30 yrs old and her baby clock hasn't stopped ticking. With the connection we had developed I had no issues having the reversal done and then try to have a baby totgerher. This has been a major hurdle in our relationship and topped with my depression the marriage is falling apart. And that is the last thing I want i love my wife with very fibre in my body.

I feel a total failure not been able to get my wife pregnant it breaks my heart every month she gets her period. We have spoken and looked into IVF but not wanting to put a monetary value to it we simply can't afford it. So we joined donar sites which didn't bring any success no one was interested. We talked about asking friends to donate but I have hesitations about this I want there to be only 2 parents involved with the baby not 3 people. My wife recently 2 nights ago actually met up with an old friend she hasn't seen in years and through conversation he offered to donate. But this is the issue my wife went to see him without telling or discussing it and seeing what my thoughts were. This guy had confessed to my wife a few years ago he was in love with her and I feel betrayed she went to see him behind my back. Or and I just over reacting to an innocent converstion.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Pomeranian and welcome to the forums,

I'm sorry you had to wait so long for a reply. We try our best but sometimes posts slip through.

I think your gut reaction to your wife meeting this man is spot on appropriate.

1. He has openly said he loves her

2. He wants her to have his child.

Hell NO! This is not a good option.

Any donor will be part of your life permanently so the decision is a massive and vital one to make.

In my view it's time for a discussion with your wife. And possibly a difficult one.

If she is that desperate for a baby that she will meet a man who openly wants her without your knowledge this is a serious problem and needs to be addressed.

Also have you discussed worst case scenario... What does it do to your marriage if you do not have a baby together? Is that really so bad? Could you both deal with that?

Lastly (I probably should have started with this actually)... What kind of ways do you manage your depression? Have you got a therapist or psychiatrist you see regularly?

I hope you feel able to return and keep talking. This situation sounds quite distressing and I am worried about you.

Please take care of yourself.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hi Pomeranian, and thank you for posting your comment.

To have a baby by this other friend of your wife's wouldn't be a good idea because he was in love with her years ago, and if he donates so a baby will be produced, then many problems will eventuate.

The problem isn't going to see an old friend, we all tend to do this, but it's someone who has said he loves her, if it was me I would feel betrayed.

No, you are not overreacting, and if she asks you then a definite NO should be said.

It would cause enormous problems for you.