I feel so defeated in life. I had a miscarriage 1 week ago. Went for my first ultrasound and there was no heart beat.
I have a 9month old beautiful and healthy girl. But it still hurts like crazy.
I have this guilt and failure inside me that is just getting bigger and bigger.
I failed as a mother for not being able to give my little girl a sibling and failed as a partner for not being able to give my partner another child.
Not only that I have this fear of losing my little girl or partner.
My partner communicates with a lot of females and can sit outside while I’m inside wanting to talk to him.
Sometimes I believe he is just waiting for someone better to come along and I have to compete against these females.
We used to be in each other’s pockets now it’s like he has checked out of the relationship and I can’t get him back.
As I’m going through this he is still chatting to random females off the internet and I’m alone slowly dying inside. Maybe he does need someone better then me.
Hello AJ, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. How devastated you must be. This grief you're feeling is intense enough, but it's all tangled up with the issues in youre relationship too and leaving you feeling like a failure. As hard as this will be right now, I would urge you to try and see these as two separate things. The loss of your unborn baby is a sad and tragic event that has been shared by many women, and is not a personal failure that you are responsible for, even though it may feel like that. The difficulties happening in your relationship are not connected to your worth as a person or your abilities as a mother either. You deserve respect and love. You have a beautiful and healthy 9 month old girl who you love very much. Try and hold on to that.
