Lonely and depressed after leaving my ex

[Determined1]

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post.

So 6 months ago I left my ex boyfriend. We had been together for 7 years and I felt like we weren’t progressing in the relationship like I would have hoped. Fast forward 6 months and I’m feeling more depressed than ever and lonely. I also feel ashamed and guilty for dating someone right after we split. Call it a rebound, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I did that as it’s not like me. Or is it? A few months after the breakup I wrote my ex a letter to explain my actions and where I believe I went wrong in hope we could try again. I poured my heart out into that letter, only for him to let his new girlfriend read it and for her to message me to say how ridiculous it was for me to do that. I don’t know what to do with myself right now, I keep busy with exercise, I socialise, work full time, swim once a week but I can’t help but feel worthless and guilty for leaving him like that. I messaged him to express my disappointment for allowing her to read my letter, and got hit with name calling and anger. I copped it on the chin because I felt like I deserved it.

I miss him at times because he was by my side for a long time knowing I have depression and anxiety, and the thought of ever being with someone else scares me. I get cut up knowing he happily moved on and I do regret doing what I did without fighting a little longer.

Any sort of support is so greatly appreciated.

[Birdy77]

😂 doesn't monkey magic do kung fu anyway?

How is the Blanket Of Awesomeness coming along?

[Determined1]

Oh Birdy it’s been a disaster haha I gave up on it because of my impatience with trying to remember each knit! Never mind, I still keep up with swimming, walking and now looking into rowing. I think physical activity is the way to go for me

[Guest_0087]

Hi Determined

I love the number of responses you get on here, shows the impact you are having on people in a positive way. I get you with the googling things. I used to do that too, but now I try to cut that out and not let my mind control my state. Things we read online can have a major impact.

Don't worry, I too sometimes can't get off my phone, but maybe try to get apps or things on your phone that will be more beneficial. I likes quizzes, so I have a couple of quiz games that I play. I also downloaded some comedy apps and things like that so I can go to things which would have a positive impact. You can do small little things. Maybe instead of sitting on your phone during a lunch break, sit with a book or go eat outside in the sun and just relax. Take 15 minutes to eat and relax, then maybe 15 or so to have a little nap or refresher.

I hear you too on dating. It can be hard to get over an ex, I know the feeling all too well. Unfortunately I think the idea of dating has been so diluted these days that we forget how we are meant to behave in a relationship and how we should respond in break ups. The right person is not far away, and I am sure he will come along.

[Determined1]

I know how awesome is everyone for responding! Makes me feel so good. They certainly do have a big impact, I know I fill my mind with too many things that I overwhelm myself eventually. I’m going to jump on YouTube if I’m ever in my phones and stick to ashy bines or vines videos instead. I really like the idea of reading a book on my break, I’ve just gone to search the house for a good read. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to get over someone, but I know how helpful it is to just talk about it and vent. Fingers crossed 🤞 I’m super keen for a date

[Guest_0087]

A lot of us can be over thinkers some times, it's just about finding the right balance. You should see some of the things I write in my notebook, some really weird thinking and thoughts, but it's also good to put my thoughts and feelings down and get some perspective. Youtube is a good thing to do. I like some of the videos from the React channel, and Ozzy Man always cheers me up. I could recommend maybe something like Aesops Fables or Hans Christian Andersen. They are fairy tales so it's not too real and you can kind of escape from everything for a bit and truly be mind free, well, so I feel some times. Also, they are not super hard to read as the stories are often short so they keep your attention.

There is no right or wrong way, but their can be a beneficial or harmful way. It's important to remember that the memories you shared with that person are always going to be hard to forget, but you just need to find someone else with whom you can share new memories, and they will want to do the same. Hahaha, oh I know the feeling. I've keen for a date too. Good luck with it. I'm sure the right guy is not too far away,

[Determined1]

Thank you for the recommendations! Today I sat in the sun at lunch time and it was so much more refreshing.

Agreed, I tried to keep my breakup as amicable as possible but you can’t control their reactions.

Good luck to you too 🤞

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hey D!

How are you doing? Sounding much more upbeat today 😊

Hmmm, I met my ex on tinder. I wasn’t really that interested in meeting him but made myself go on that first date. We instantly hit it off and I guess things moved quickly. It was only a short lived romance, 6 months, when he suddenly had a change of heart and ended it with no explanation. That is what has been hard to process, the fact I don’t understand it. I was overseas for a few weeks and before I went it was all love and happiness and came back and he ended it. I thought I was coming home to start our new life together. I couldn’t have been more wrong!

I guess I’ve always been fiercely independent, I’ve traveled the world, lived abroad, post grad studies, successful career, home owner, etc. but I’ve always been unlucky in love. My last really proper long term relationship prior to him was 16 years ago! Yes I’ve dated very short term in that time but nothing has ever worked out.

I didn’t even think I wanted a boyfriend when I met him, but he blew my mind! I was smitten and really thought I’d had my last first date, my last first kiss. I think this is why I have taken it so hard, he made me realise that I would really like to share my life with someone and now I feel lonely as hell.

Anyway, enough about me! This is your thread 😊

[Guest_0087]

Hi D

So glad you you took some time in the sun today. It is definitely a good feeling when you get some fresh air and sunshine. I need to take some of my own advice some times.

Always happy to help out with some suggestions. I really am curious to see how things go along with you, and am really glad to see the changes you are making and trying. Each day as it comes, just have to keep at it, and hopefully it will all fall in to place

[Determined1]

Hey FL 👋 certainly feeling a lot more upbeat since the weekend. Had therapy last night and I can’t believe I didn’t start it sooner, everything helps.

Im sorry to hear that he left without a clear explanation, I can’t say what he must have been feeling but I imagine you were left without closure. Don’t look back and think that things should have been different because they were exactly as they were meant to be. I know the tendencies we have to over analyse everything but it sounds as simple you two were not meant to be. I don’t see it as unlucky in Love I see it as you not finding the one. The right person won’t leave you guessing and wondering, it’ll just be right. I know you want to share your life with someone, trust me I’d love nothing more, but I really do believe in fate. As long as you keep believing and remain positive, who knows what’ll happen. I’m always here for a friendly chat when you need to vent 🙂

Hey Zimbos! I’ll keep you posted! I had therapy last night and I think she was amazed at all the extra things I’m doing to feel better (I don’t think our therapists take their own advice) lol but I’ll keep working at it like all of us are trying to do. It helps to have things to look forward to.. have a lovely day

[Feeling_Lonely]

I’m so glad that you are feeling in a better place. Therapy / counselling can be such an incredibly helpful experience and provide you with an opportunity to talk, get unbiased advice and offer strategies to help you move forward. It sounds like it is all going well.

I wish I shared your positivity regarding meeting Mr Right. Based on my experiences it just feels like I’m destined to be single. I am trying very hard to change my mindset about this, but it’s an ongoing battle I face every single day. I shall keep trying though, can’t do much else 😊

Have a great day!