Lonely and depressed after leaving my ex

[Determined1]

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post.

So 6 months ago I left my ex boyfriend. We had been together for 7 years and I felt like we weren’t progressing in the relationship like I would have hoped. Fast forward 6 months and I’m feeling more depressed than ever and lonely. I also feel ashamed and guilty for dating someone right after we split. Call it a rebound, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I did that as it’s not like me. Or is it? A few months after the breakup I wrote my ex a letter to explain my actions and where I believe I went wrong in hope we could try again. I poured my heart out into that letter, only for him to let his new girlfriend read it and for her to message me to say how ridiculous it was for me to do that. I don’t know what to do with myself right now, I keep busy with exercise, I socialise, work full time, swim once a week but I can’t help but feel worthless and guilty for leaving him like that. I messaged him to express my disappointment for allowing her to read my letter, and got hit with name calling and anger. I copped it on the chin because I felt like I deserved it.

I miss him at times because he was by my side for a long time knowing I have depression and anxiety, and the thought of ever being with someone else scares me. I get cut up knowing he happily moved on and I do regret doing what I did without fighting a little longer.

Any sort of support is so greatly appreciated.

[Determined1]

Hi guys I’m back... and I’ve fallen back into a seriously depressive state 😞 I wonder if the lonely long weekend has triggered it.. along with disconnecting from the world around me and the people in it. I’m sitting alone at the beach and I have no motivation to move. I spent my day hiking and had brief moments of being in the moment and then totally disengaging. It’s so scary. I realise I don’t fit in with my family and I feel like an outsider. I don’t want to burden my friends anymore and have a pity party, they have their own worries. I thought I was doing so well and suddenly I’m back to square one... although I feel ten times worse. I worry for my mental health.. sometimes I really don’t want to go on.. where is the silver lining.. why do I keep suffering through this never ending pain

[Guest_0087]

Hi Determined

Glad you are back. It is not a problem to have those moments and sometimes have times when you are down. It is perfectly normal. You have been doing so well though, which proves that you do have it in you and you are capable, so this is just a little bump in the road, and you are able to come back stronger. I know the feeling all too well. Being alone and disconnected, not having that sense of belonging sometimes an be difficult. Remember though that your wellbeing always comes first, so look after yourself. If it means you need to have a cry, then cry. Want to punch a wall, then do so. Whatever you do, always remember that you have us here to listen and support you, and you are definitely stronger than any low point.

I'm happy to put myself forward if you wish to ever have a rant or talk away. This is your thread and we are here to go through whatever it is together.

[There]

Hi Determined,

Ive been reading through your posts and wanted to let you and Feeling Lonely know that you’re both very uplifting and positive. I too am going through a break up (3 months out, he left me I suspect for another woman who he is with now) and I’m having such a hard time with it. I miss him every day and I don’t know how to move forward.

I just had to let you know that we are all here for you and your posts are helping people 🙂

Do you know what could’ve been a trigger? Sometimes I find it’s just the time of year or it sneaks up on you. Things that you don’t even know could be a trigger become triggers if that makes sense?

I hope you are feeling a bit better.

J x

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi Determined1 and happy Easter!

Of course I love seeing when you’ve posted here, however I am sorry to read it’s not under ideal circumstances this time around. Being alone over a long weekend such as Easter when it seems like so many others are out and about doing all of these fun filled activities and it’s their loved ones can be extremely difficult, so I understand exactly how you feel.

Just remember that life is full of ups and downs and this down moment will pass too. It’s okay to feel sad and have a rough trot, in fact it is human to do so. I have no doubt that you will process this, work through what you are feeling and begin to move forward once more.

You have provided me with such comfort and wise words that have certainly helped me in those low moments and I hope that I can do the same for you.

You are an amazingly strong and positive person and are certainly not alone in how you are feeling. It sounds like you still tried to get out there and enjoy the weekend with your hiking and trip to the beach which is wonderful. I love connecting with nature too.

Sometimes when we’re going through the lows it really is a matter of going back to basics, eating well, sleeping well, staying hydrated and taking some time out to meditate, taking in some exercise and trying to focus on the small positives in our lives. I know you know all of this as well 🙂

Thank you for sharing what you’re feeling, that is what your thread is for. Please keep posting here and let us know how you’re going. I hope that you’re starting to come through to the other side and are finding small things to smile about. Don’t lose sight of the amazing person you are. Big hugs x

[Determined1]

Hi Zimbos05, thank you for taking the time to respond. I now tell myself it’s ok to have a few down days and it’s normal but I just feel so tired. I feel like there are more sad moments than happy ones. I’ve always been obsessed with Googling symptoms which I stopped for a while, but I’ve started again. I’m guessing all of the extra information only makes me paranoid that I have BPD or another mental illness. I really need to stay off my phone more. I feel like out of everyone I know I’m the only one researching mental illness constantly, while friends and family are just out enjoying life and living in the moment. Thank you for offering your support, I’ll be sure to chat to you when I need a reality check 🙂

Hi J, nice to meet you. I’m sorry to hear what has happened to you, please know it really does get easier but you have to give it time. You know your worth and you know you have the strength to get through this, I believe in you. Use the tips myself and others offer because they really do help. I think it was the long weekend without a partner that may have triggered it (it’s what I’m used to), and I still live at home so I guess it’s also because I’m not where I want to be in life right now. The disconnection is the scariest symptom, I don’t know why I feel that way. And empty. I am feeling a little better today, I spent one full day on the weekend crying and sleeping but the following days I was able to get up and do things so that’s a plus.

Hi Feeling Lonely, thank you always for your very kind words 🙂 the encouragement and support always helps. I feel so grateful that I can come back to my thread and know that I will get support from others who understand my situation and can relate. Good idea about going back to basics, these are the fundamental steps to getting back to being a healthy, able human. I have a function on this weekend and I’m curious to see how getting out and socialising (with guys too 😛) will make me feel. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Happy Easter all and thank you all for your kind words and support x

[Feeling_Lonely]

I’m glad to read that you’re feeling a little better. It can be difficult when we’re feeling low to see a way out, but nothing is permanent and this too shall pass. Sometimes spending a day in bed crying can be a really good release.

I know when I’m feeling really tired and haven’t been looking after myself properly that it’s easy for me to slip back into feeling low, so I try really, really hard to get the basics right. Small little things can amount to so much.

Ooh I’m intrigued to hear how you go this weekend! Whilst I still find myself thinking about my ex about a hundred times a day (way too much I’m aware!), I was thinking yesterday that I should really start to invest some time in online dating again. Whilst I find it daunting, I know that I’m not going to meet anyone if I don’t at least try. It’s funny how easily some people seem to meet their partners yet for someone like me, it definitely does not come easily at all. I wish I knew what the secret was.

I hope you have a wonderful day!! 😊

[Determined1]

That’s it, we do need to try extra hard (maybe more than others) to get back on track.. but I find we’re so much more appreciate of the simple things that make us happy. I’m feeling better today, I get scared though of whatever might trigger an episode so I do feel on edge. I guess we just keep going and fighting.

Dw I used to think about him a hundred times a day too, it’s normal, you won’t forget him completely. And I agree give online dating a go! I noticed that when I talk to guys now, they pre-occupy my mind for a while and I do completely forget my ex. So I know for sure that when you and I enter new relationships we will be able to move on a lot easier. I wanted to go back to my ex a few months after we broke up but I now realise I just wanted to go back to my comfort zone. We would never work again and I’m really glad he rejected us ever being a couple again. I know how hard it is trust me I do, I spent 7 ears of my life with one person but there are far better suited guys out there for us. There is no secret, no special formula or one particular way to snag a new man.. I really believe we meet him at the right time. It could be in the most unexpected way. I have a friend who served a guy coffee one day at the cafe, and they’ve been dating for the past 6 years. I too wonder when I will meet him but I guess only time will tell. In the meantime I keep telling myself not to settle for just anyone and accept all invitations that come my way. The more we go out and try new things I think the more likely we’ll meet someone. How did you meet your ex? I bet you didn’t expect that to happen. I wasn’t even interested in dating anyone and then my ex came along and the rest is history

[Determined1]

Just wanted to share this

10 things you don’t need to apologise for
1) loving someone
2) saying no
3) taking “me time”
4) following your dream
5) your priorities
6) ending toxic relationships
7) your imperfections
8) standing your ground
9) telling the truth
10) being honest with your feelings

[monkey_magic]

Loving your lion pic but i'm scared because you will probable eat me...ok im swinging to the next tree now.....whhheeeeeee......

That's a really good list. Exactly no need to feel guilty for those things.

See you around.

[Determined1]

I don’t bite monkey magic 😛

cheers 👍