Loneliness

[Star343]

I moved interstate at the start of this year for a graduate job and I am finding it really hard to make friends. I have tried asking people from my work team to go out for after work drinks but they either say there are unavailable or do not answer.  I have tried joining clubs but everyone is always much, much older than me, most of them are retirees. I am really struggling to be optimistic, it is really hard when you want to be happy and make friends but people do not make themselves available. What should I do? 

[Croix]

Dear Star343~

Welcome to the Forum. It is a good place to come, loneliness is something many people here experienced and looking round at other threads (discussions) you may find some ways they have coped.

Before I say anything else congratulations on your graduation. To achieve this shows ability and determination.

I guss one should not be surprised that others at work are preoccupied with their own lives outside work and may not be that socially inclined. If they were then you might expect there might already be some sort of arrangement to gather around already.

It sounds like you have done the sensible thing and joined clubs but found that are for a different set due ot age. A pity. Actually many clubs in my area are shortly going to find the have nobody left to be office bearers as people age and will have to close.

The two options that spring to mind are firstly volunteering in an organisation that appeals to you, from Rural Fires to a local film club or a museum. Perhaps some social welfare NGO. There you might find a different set of people.

The other thing is not to approach the problem head on but simply follow your own inclinations on what you enjoy doing, anything from horse-riding to art or macrame. (Obviously I've no idea what you might like:)

Then you might find others with similar tastes become acquaintances.

What do you think?

Croix

[Star343]

Thanks for the advice Croix it helps. 

[Croix]

Dear Star343~

You're welcome. I often find that problems need to be rectified as part of something else. It may sound funny but I find cataloging my book collection gets rid of a headache - something a tablet will not do.

Croix

[tranzcrybe]

You are a newbie on the bottom rung and your well-meaning offers might be taken the wrong way (or you have landed in a stuffy group of introverts!).
Perhaps start smaller and get to know their idiosyncrasies - favourite foods, movie or sporting interests, anything you can find common ground.
Sharing these things might be the 'foot in the door' you seek (with a less 'party' overtone at first).

Familiarity will set you on the pathway to friendship with patience charting its own course into the future.

[Skary Bill]

Hi Star343, I shared a bit of my journey in another thread.   I've had a win and found some people..  But gosh I could have missed them so easily.    I went to join a local club, and had I gone any other day or time, I would not have met the right people.   So definitely don't give up.  If you give yourself enough chances to meet people, in time you will.

The other thing I will say is, I now have several much older friends lol.   And even if they weren't the friendships I was aiming for..  They still gave me the confidence that makes one walk a little taller, and be more socially approachable.  Don't write off the oldies completely. Some of them are great value people to have in your world. 

Wishing you the very best of luck in your search.  We really are social creatures.

[Skary Bill]

Hi Star343,

I just wanted to say don't give up.   I know it seems hopeless sometimes, but just keep looking. I teetered on the brink of despair a few times.  But eventually struck gold and found some wonderful people. 
I really think if you just keep looking you will find..     Best of luck with it.  

[Pixiep]

Dear Star343,

Try the Meetup app. It’s not a dating site. You search for groups that interest you which could be hiking, cycling, foodies, knitting, literally anything. There are some groups that hold social events for specific age groups too. 
It may be hard to go to this alone at first but my experience is that everyone is always friendly and they’re there also because usually they are in the same boat and looking for friends. 
It’s a great way to interact with others in a space that you have common interests.

Good luck and I wish you well. 
K