Loneliness as a mum

[Ashchick]

Hi all, first time poster. Looking for words of advice to help me see the light. I'm a single mum of 4 and battling addiction to cigarettes, alcohol and cannabis. It's been a long time of self realising I need to be clear of all these clutches to really move on in life. My biggest issues are feeling low. I have always been treated horribly by men I guess partly due to my own self esteem and confidence issues I get ran over. The last one gave me a std and it's almost ruined my life( just as I was getting better!!!) I always cop the blame and hurt. Anyway i just don't want to be lonely anymore. I don't want a relationship because I am not in the right mind frame and will be hurt again. I just want social connections and someone to talk to. It's hard to just get about an about with 4 little kids. I can just see myself falling back onto bad habits to combat my loneliness. I have my mum and sister but that's all. Don't see them enough.. I can't talk to them about these issues either. I'm also anti social in my ways as I've just become quiet and miserable... Thank you

[monkey_magic]

Hey ashchick,

Thankyou for posting and welcome to BB. I chose to write to you because I too feel like I've been treated horribly by the wrong men and am currently waiting on a std test ( fingers crossed).

I think pain is a good teacher and we must treat ourselves better to then accept better men. I know you can do it.

I used to smoke- I quit, used to drink- not much anymore.

It's funny how we bounce back just to repeat the same mistake- time to break the cycle.

Being a mum takes a lot of work and I'm sure you are great at it. You definitely deserve to be loved and cherished but yeah I'd wait to be in a good frame of mind first.

Have you sought any councilling for the drug and alcohol issues? Anything to help hey.

Feel free to keep expressing yourself here as well.

[demonblaster]

Hey Ash welcome and good on you opening up

Doesn't sound like you're travelling too well atm aye

Yes so much pain there can be in relationships & sounds like a good idea to build back up first before going into another one. Understand completely you not wanting to feel lonely, it's a hard ride isn't it. I think most people feel the same.
Yeah I've been very lucky (with late partner, he was beautiful) but also not with blokes, used a lot and same low self esteem, confidence, both building but way to go yet.
To build we need to like ourselves Ash, look for good points, we've got em, they get buried with depression cause it wants us to not like ourselves to pull us down.

Good you realise what you need to do, that's strength kicking in, well done, you've got survival happening, hold on to that it'll help you through the hard times.

Ok Ash hope to see you again here and let us know where you're at

Take good care and take your time in healing, it can be done but doesn't happen overnight

Cya later 🙂

[Ashchick]

Thanks monkey magic.

Its a relief to hear from someone who can relate at such a crap time.

I am waiting for some alone time so I can talk to a councillor about it.

I am really hoping a councillor will help with the overwhelming emotions too.

I never want to let a man treat me badly again and I have to care for myself, you are totally right there.

I usually just lose my cool and lash out at men but I need to control my behaviours so I just quietly suffer instead .. I am a bit of a mess.

good luck with your test I hope you escape it. Its a harrowing experience and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Worst comes to worst though, it's not something we brought upon ourself and life has to go on.

Us mummies need to stay strong

Ash

[Doolhof]

Hi Ashchick,

I too welcome you to the community here. Hope your recovery goes well physically, sometimes the mental health issues need a bit of work.

Do you have hobbies and interests that you enjoy doing? It helps me to do things I usually find pleasure in when I am feeling low.

You must be busy with 4 children. Are there parks and places close by where you can take the children and have a bit of fun together outside?

Are there any groups you could join to meet new people? Being a Mum with 4 children may not provide much free time for you! Hope you find some ways to find inner happiness and peace, enjoy your children and find ways to mix with people in the community.

Cheers from Dools

[Ashchick]

Thanks Dools. Appreciate your kind words a lot.

I take the kids out to playgrounds etc and they have fun.

I tell myself I will go to mums group so I see other adults but I always just feel heavy and don't want to go. That can be one of my goals. I study but that is almost finished so now I'm looking at finding something else to keep my over active brain occupied.

Thanks for the support

Ash

[Ashchick]

Hi demonblaster. You do sound very wise.

I don't know who I am very well at the moment I have never felt this way in all of my depression episodes.

It's a good way of putting it, I am in survival mode.

I am hoping my head will be more clear soon. Sorry about your late partner. There are some beautiful men out there, aren't there?

Ash

[Doolhof]

HI Ash,

Great to hear back from you so soon! Maybe you could try a little harder to get to the Mums group next week. If it doesn't happen, don't beat yourself up about it, try again the next week. My psychologist tells me I beat myself up too much. Ha. Ha.

Lately I have been working on self acceptance. It goes okay for a while, then I hit a bit of a blockage and try again later.

Do you enjoy arts and crafts at all? If so, are there any markets close by where you could try and sell things. I assist voluntarily in an Op Shop. So many people come in looking for craft ideas they sell at markets.

Would you like to share what you are studying, if not that is okay too.

I'm about to head off now, so cheers to you from Mrs. Dools

[demonblaster]

Thx Ash & for replying to ours 🙂

Yeah there are some goods out there aye, he was :'(
Thanks again 🙂

I think that you're aware of what's going on is going to be a big help to your recovery, if we know what's going on and what needs to be done bonus. Can't fix until we know what the prob is aye

You'll make it & you've got us now too 🙂

[monkey_magic]

Morning ash,

U must have been hurt to lash out like that. I'm sure when Mr right comes along you will have a totally different experience and relationship. The right men don't hurt us!

Self love and care is important as you know. Must be stressful raising four on your own and would be good to balance it with other things.

I' m not yet a mum and may never be but I can see how hard it can be for some mums, such a juggling act & self sacrifice for some.

Perhaps you've always put the needs of others before your own and lost yourself along the way? I too suffer a bit of depression. I manage it through excerise and therapy.

Please don't give up and know that things can improve, you just have to be proactive and patient sometimes. Depression can be hard to beat though.

I remember being in survival mode. It was during a time of abuse and I knew I needed to leave and my brain switched to survival. The good news is the brain can also switch back to normal. Take deep breaths hun. Do u know what it is you're surviving?

Take care of no #1 first