hello and welcome.
while I cannot respond as someone with direct experience ... my dad had/has depression and mum has supported him all the while. In this case, mum would get a little frustrated. I cannot remember why as I write this. One thing I can remember is that when they went to the GP, their doctor would always ask mum how she was coping as well.
when you said that you are a little cold and distant... does this mean that you do not feel you have empathy or care? If this were the case, this does not really come across in your post. It sounds as though you do care, and perhaps the answer might be to "fake it until you make it" and sometimes just being able to listen is enough.
In the case your husband and surgery... if the first operation caused issues, and is now waiting for a second, the waiting and not knowing how things turns out, or thinking the worst while waiting can play on one's mind. And that might come out in his interactions with you.
I wonder what coping mechanisms you both have?
Or, what happens or what would happen if you were to walk away when he is angry?
Or, if he angry at you? Or the situation?
I perhaps do not have any answers, but i can listen and chat.
